Saturday, August 25, 2012

Toddlers & Tiaras Horrorfest 8/22

I haven’t written about Toddlers & Tiaras in a while, but the episode this past week in Las Vegas was sufficiently horrific to inspire me. Somehow bringing the already disturbing spectacle to Sin City upped the ante, so to speak. 

In the opening montage of pageant scenes, they showed an Oompah Loompah (Roald Dahl version not Johnny Depp version) looking child of the four-to-six year old boy persuasion who was stripping as his talent routine.

The episode focused on families of the ilk that have a lot of money or at least like to seem like they have a lot of money and they spend it conspicuously on things like McMansions, bright yellow Vipers and lots and lots of cosmetic surgery.

One child arrived by helicopter. Another arrived in a giant pink Hummer limousine, because that’s what the three-year old requested. Uh huh.

One of my faves was the douchebaggy pageant dad, who a friend referred to as either gay or a serial killer. I vote both. Throughout the show he sported t-shirts that said:
  • ·       I Heart Lesbians
  • ·       I don’t date single moms I make them (??)
  • ·       I support single moms (with image of a stripper dancing on a pole)

Horrible delusion pageant mom Kelly or Kelli is back … I think they lived in Lake Havasu, Arizona previously (which was somehow fitting) and they now appear to live in Las Vegas (perhaps even more fitting), but not that I care so let’s suffice it to say that this train wreck of a human has already ruined her three-year-old twins. Ruined. And her plastic surgeon should be shot.

One of the highlights of this episode was the pageant judges, all drag queens, tho one was not in drag. The others were Britney Spears, Lady Gaga and Cher. Cher totally read the horrid Kelly/Kelli awful twin family. As someone so wisely pointed out, ‘money can’t buy you personality.’

The little girl that arrived by copter seemed to be subsidized by her grandmother, who had a face lift face that was difficult to look at. What was almost more difficult to observe was how mute the child’s mother was. I don’t think she uttered a single word the entire show.

These women’s plastic surgeons ought to be SHOT. Stripped of their medical licenses.

Douche dad had a cute kid who seemed to have some talent and a halfway decent personality, either in spite of or in response to d-bag daddy. At her pageant coach’s studio (all the kids had the same coach BTW) she went through some of her routines and posed for the head shots and photos that it seems they have to submit in order to compete in the pageants.

So her theme for the photo shoot was the Blue Man Group … in midget form. For reals. I have no idea what was going on. It was the little girl and two little people in blueface. Posing for photos with their legs in the air.

And I have to call the pageant coach out on the giant flippers two of the little girls were wearing. Awful. Scary grandma face was mad at pageant coach so she’ll get hers I’m sure.

In one of the on-camera interviews with little copter girl, they asked: What’s a drag queen?
Little girl’s response: That’s where you take your clothes when you don’t want to wash them yourself.


PS – after T&T there was a new episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Cholesterol and Diabetes festival or whatever it is called. At one point they pass an establishment called the “Kuntry Stoe.” Close. Close to English. And the Kuntry Stoe was advertising cured hog jowls, whatever those are. But let’s just say that I don’t think little Glitzy the pet pig was actually given back to “the breeder” no sir indeedy. Unless in their language breeder is a euphemism for “meat grinder.” Just saying. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Ep 10 - The Dallas Season Finale Cometh

AKA “The Ewings come together in order to help one of their own overcome an illness.”

What happens tonight will blow you away, promiseth TNT. And they delivered!

PS doesn’t it bother anyone that Christopher hasn’t at any point wondered where Rebecca’s expensive engagement and wedding rings have gone?

Hell of an opener – the body of FTommy, seemingly dead. Falling to the floor. Rebecca standing there, shaking, with the gun. She places a call, tells the person on the other side that she’s in trouble.

Immediately unidentified men show up to remove the body. Who the hell are these people? Rebecca is furiously scrubbing the floor of the loft .. as if she’s done this before. The clean-up crew’s cart said “J Beall.” Hints of something to come in the future? Efficient clean-up tho.

Cut to hospital waiting room. Bobby is out of emergency surgery from the seizure triggered at the end of the last episode. He’s alive but they are not sure if he has brain damage, he’s unconscious. JR rushes to his unconscious side. God, soap operas love that tableau of a person lying helplessly with furrowed brow in a hospital bed (always a private room), blankets perfectly folded, with breathing tubes snaking over to ominous looking medical equipment.

JR exhorts him to wake up and tells him he loves him. 

John Ross, Christopher, Elena in waiting room. Elena looks longingly at the back of Christopher’s head. John Ross gets a phone call, goes outside to take call. It’s the Venezuelan. He’s down on the Gulf checking out Christopher’s methane rig. It’s actual equipment with real workers doing stuff. Venezuelans want to know when the rig will be operational.

Rebecca shows up at hospital waiting room, with obvious bruises. Rebecca tells Christopher that she got into a fight with FTommy, but he’s gone now, “for good.” She notes that Christopher has his ring back on, he says he wants to make their marriage work, and that she should put her rings back on … haaa I told you so. She is clearly flustered by this and makes an excuse to leave. Christopher tells John Ross that he wants his PI Bum to find FTommy. Ooopsie.  Law of unintended soap opera consequences even with good intentionedness.

See sometimes it’s useful to have people like JR and John Ross around.

Rebecca opens the door to a seedy motel room where FTommy has been evidently staying. She starts pawing through stuff looking for the wedding rings. She wisely put gloves on, but only after she entered the room. In her search, she finds photos of her and FTommy embracing. She tears them up but doesn’t burn or flush them. Classic mistake.

She can’t find the rings, so she calls the body snatchers and asks where FTommy’s body is because she needs to find something. Ewwww.

So does anyone think she really loves Christopher? Or is this still part of the long con. Or self preservation.

Lone Star beer six-pack in the seedy hotel room, nice Texas-y touch of the day.

Bobby wakes up, Ann and Christopher are in the room, sleeping. He seems fine, no brain damage. My husband predicts that the stroke/seizure will have killed his empathy and he’s now like JR. that would be interesting.

Rebecca goes to the body dump site, or rather a van parked in a hangar. ? She searches FTommy’s body and finds a pawn ticket for her flawless 2 carat engagement ring and diamond encrusted wedding band …

John Ross takes Elena to an office construction site, the intended home of Ewing Energies, which was the previous home of Ewing Oil. The birthright! John Ross wants to sit where JR’s office once was. Let the daddy complex go, John Ross. This whole family needs therapy.

While there, John Ross proposes to Elena! Didn’t see that coming. She says yes. He tells her she reminds him of oil reflecting off light. Okaaaayy ... Gives her a ring with a brown stone.

Christopher approves of the office space choice. Doesn’t necessarily not so much uh uh approve of John Ross and Elena’s engagement.  Awkward glances between Elena and Christopher.

Rebecca goes to the pawn shop only to be told her flawless rings were sold yesterday. She bribes the pawn shop owner to find out who bought them, he says he’ll call her.

Christopher shows up with conciliatory Chinese food for Rebecca at their loft. He asks why she’s not wearing the rings, she says her fingers are too swollen from being pregnant to wear the rings. Good cover. She’s clearly a very experienced con.

What will her fortune cookie say?

Lou is at the hospital visiting Bobby, JR shows up. Ah, Lou is a lawyer. JR says ‘you know you hit a low when even a lawyer won’t take the time to insult you.’

Bobby says he’s a medical miracle, can go home tomorrow, and anyway he can’t die because he has unfinished business with JR. JR claims again he wasn’t part of the FMarta fraud. Bobby reveals that they found her cloud storage drive and found a video of JR conspiring with her against Bobby. Bobby says “I’ve got you dead to rights, brother.” He manages to come across as imperious even in a bathrobe. He tells JR it’s time to stop the double dealings, but he doesn’t say if he will send JR to jail. Maybe he hasn’t decided yet.

Bobby is on his way home from the hospital, Sue Ellen shows up with a nice plant. She tells Ann that she’s scheduled a press conference and is bowing out of the governor’s race. She won’t launder Ryland’s money and she regrets crossing a line. Says she’s done too much wrong in her past to deserve to be governor. Well that’s probably true.

Oh so the ring is a ‘chocolate’ diamond, the color of oil. Elena’s mother is coming around to the idea of her marrying John Ross.

Lou shows up with JR at the ranch where John Ross and Christopher had been having a friendly cuzzin basketball game. Lou tells John Ross they have evidence against him of trying to commit fraud. Christopher is there, tells John Ross he can’t lie his way out of video evidence. John Ross says he will confess to conspiring with FMarta with the Venezuelans but only if they seal his confession and Elena won’t find out.

Of course Elena is there listening in the hallway (no doors, no locks, no privacy) and storms in and confronts him. He’s trying to rationalize that now he’s trying to do the right thing and that sure he set things in motion but he’s a changed man now and needs her by his side.

John Ross tells her to be at the Ewing Energy office tomorrow for “a new beginning.” She rushes off.

A tarted up Ann shows up at Ryland’s office to tell him he’s won. Wants to know what he wants, assumes all his blackmail is to get to her, his ex-wife. He says it’s about laundering money but as long as she’s there how about an awkward, essentially forced romp in the hay? She starts to undress and he stares at her creepily.

In an awesome move, she unbuttons her shirt and reveals that she’s wearing a wire! On her underwire! She now has him on tape admitting to extortion, blackmail and conspiring to launder money or somesuch.  She tells him if he doesn’t leave her, her family and Sue Ellen alone, he’ll be hugging the business end of her shotgun. She sure does like to threaten to shoot people. Foreshadowing or potential flashback?

Anyway, now again we are reminded again of Ann’s turn as the character Sue Ellen Mischke in Seinfeld, the woman who walked down the street wearing only a bra. Here she is wearing only a bra, helping a woman named Sue Ellen. Coincidence or fate?

Cut to another excellent plot twist – Vicente the Venezuelan is sitting down with Cliff Barnes’ lackey, 7-Up guy. Apparently Cliff has been arranging to buy the methane technology rights AND acquire the lien to SF. Well played, Cliff! You haven’t been on in several episodes, but this whole time you were quietly conspiring in the background… starting with working the FTommy angle.

But just (literally) as Vicente is about to sign the papers, Feds show up at his door. The look on 7-Up’s face is priceless.

Ann is at the park again watching the playground. But this time she's smiling. She asked SE to meet her there. She gives SE the recording and tells her not to drop out of the Gov’s race.

Vicente is arrested, and confronted by Bobby, JR and Christopher. I guess when you’re buds with the state AG you can get this sort of private meeting. Vicente is going to be charged with fraud and the murder of FMarta. Whatever deal JR/John Ross have made will make the Venezuelan’s dealings null and void.

V says he’s going to take John Ross down with him. However, the J’s got immunity for their confessions. Sweetheart deal!

JR threatens Vicente, saying he never should have harmed his son, and that life is cheap in prison. Vicente threatens him back. 

Bobby tells JR he has a copy of the video that implicates him and that if he tries and screw him again he’s got evidence against him. JR tips his hat and leaves.

Bobby, Christopher, John Ross chat. Christopher is understandably ticked at John Ross. Bobby seems to feel that maybe John Ross has learned his lesson. He urges the cuzzins to still go into business together. Why would a father want his son to go into business with someone who was clearly a criminal, a cheat and a liar? Oh right, because there must be a season two!!

Bum calls, says he found FTommy’s hotel room. Christopher and Bum go into the room. The room has been cleaned, of course FTommy is not there. I thought they might find the scraps of photos that showed FTommy and Rebecca kissing. But even better, fortuitously at that moment the phone in the hotel room rings. It’s Ftommy’s sister, his REAL sister Rebecca.

So that’s why Rebecca’s background check came back clean, because FRebecca stole the identity of FTommy’s real sister!

Christopher goes to the loft and tells FRebecca  that he knows she’s not Rebecca Sutter. Who are you? He demands. She says I’m your wife. She says she knows what she feels for him, and she throws the Elena thing in his face. Says he’s still in love with her.

He vows to find out who she really is, and when he does, he’ll send her to prison and ensure the babies never know her. Why wouldn’t he have already contacted the police, maybe even brought them with him to the loft?

Cut to Elena, who has car keys in hand and the oil engagement ring in its box … you have to assume that she is on her way to Ewing Energies to give John Ross the ring back. Cue to Christopher showing up to pour his heart out to her.

I don’t want to waste another minute without you, he tells her. He says that he is over with Rebecca, forever. Somehow he still had the original Elena engagement ring and hands it to her.

Cut to SE at a lectern (not a podium) giving an impassioned speech. While she talks, the action cuts to John Ross at the office building waiting for Elena. But who shows up instead, her mother, who wordlessly hands John Ross the ring box. Who sends her mother to end an engagement? Lame.

While SE is still speaking as the voice over, cut to Bobby and Ann overlooking SF contentendtedly. SE says she wants to fight for the future of Texas. She closes her speech by saying “For all those people who want to tear me down, I have 3 little words: I am Texas.”

And who is FRebecca, you ask? CLIFF BARNES’S DAUGHTER.


FRebecca is in the hangar again, looking suddenly patrician. 7-Up guy is there, and you’re wondering what the hell is going on. Suddenly it dawns on you that this whole long con has been orchestrated by Cliff Barnes all along, and FRebbeca is his progeny. Holy crap.

She recruited “the Sutter boy” in the con even tho he was ‘a loose cannon.’ A dead cannon now, and 7-Up and his henchmen are off to dispose of the body. That’s tidy. Daddy Barnes shows up and chides his daughter (real name still unknown), telling her she lost focus and got caught up in the Ewings. He even managed to buy the damn wedding rings from the damn pawn shop so that she couldn’t put them back on … she says that she knows she screwed up and she will not lose focus now, since Christopher threatened to take her babies.  She claims her allegiance to daddy.  He says he will give her a second chance, and he wants her to get a piece of Ewing energy. This is good writing dammit. 

He tells 7-Up to protect FRebecca, because there is a Ewing firestorm a-brewing. So what’s our first move, Miss Barnes, 7-Up asks her. I was hoping they might smooch. 

John Ross is sadly staring out the window of the office space. You really almost feel sorry for the bastard. But you know that in these moments, he is becoming hardened against the world, against love, against everything.

Meanwhile, Elena and Christopher have wasted no time, checking into a hotel room and getting busy.

Johnny Cash playing again.

Well, at least John Ross has his daddy. JR is at the office space with him, mixes him a drink.

Forget teaching me the oil business, says John Ross to JR. Teach me every dirty trick you know. (I thought that was the oil business?)

John Ross vows to take the company from Christopher and Elena (the company which they just started about 30 seconds ago, have they already drawn up paperwork?) and cut JR in. BUT, if JR screws him again, he’ll make sure JR goes back to “the home” for good and never sees a dime of the oil money from SF.

JR seems pleased, says “now that’s my son, from tip to tail.” Devil’s tail.


Arrrrggghgh I have to wait until January to find out what happens. Don’t know how I will make it. But TNT, you did blow me away. You blew me away. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Random TV Ramblings - Charlie's Angels

The Cloo channel is showing Charlie’s Angels episodes. Tonight, the Angels have to go to a séance, with Rene Auberjunois. But first, they have to go shopping, because after all, what does one wear to a séance? Very important question.

Was Farrah supposed to be the smart one? God, it wasn’t a good show. I guess by comparison it was... Never underestimate the power of T&A.

Episode “The Séance,” original airdate 12/15/76

Oh gawd it's a marathon and now they’re in a women’s prison, with a baby-faced Kim Basinger.  And although it’s prison, their hair is still feathered and their make-up is perfect.

“Angels in Chains,” original airdate 10/20/76

RIP Farrah. 

Dallas Episode 9 - The Dragon's Eyebrows

Per Wikipedia … “nine is considered a good number in Chinese culture. It’s strongly associated with the Chinese dragon, a symbol of magic and power. The dragon often symbolizes the Emperor.”

Does that sound like JR or what?  I would have titled this episode something like “Enter the Dragons” or “Family Dragons” or something. The writers in their infinite wisdom called it “Family Business.” I am NOT second-guessing them, just saying.

The channel guide description:
John chooses between family and business; another illness strikes the Ewings.

Another illness strikes the Ewings? Maybe friend of the blog (FOTB) ARF is right when she predicts Rebecca won’t ever actually give birth …

But enough about the channel guide description, let’s start the show!!

Second to last episode, lots of ground to cover.

First of all, cutesy wutesy kissing and stuff between John Ross and Elena. Elena blames JR for getting John Ross into this mess and for him having to ‘be near’ FMarta. John Ross says ‘it’s complicated.’ Elena tells him that Bobby was willing to drill for oil on SF if it meant saving John Ross.

John Ross looks intrigued at the prospect.

Would Rebecca already have a baby bump at 8 or 9 weeks? Lame baby talk, etc. Christopher says something about them creating their own family now, they buy stuffed monkeys. Yawn.

Someone has knitted covers for the tree trunks in Dallas. You expect that kind of thing in Austin, but not Dallas forgodssake.

Fbrother is waiting for Rebecca in the loft. She says, ‘how did you get in, I changed the locks?” FINALLY someone had the sense to change those damn locks.

He demands key cards to access plans to C’s rig. Offers to cut R in, threatens her. She scratches him but is clearly afraid of him. Fbrother says help him or he puts a bullet into her little fairy tale. But who would he shoot – Christopher? Rebecca? The fetuses (feti)?

PS – DNA under the fingernails anyone?

Snakey Harris shows up at Sue Ellen’s office with a gift, a bottle of wine. For an alcoholic. Looked like a bottle of Louis Jadot btw.

He knows about her bribe offer to the medical examiner. In return for keeping her secret, he says he needs to borrow her PAC to launder some money. Ballsy. She throws him out yadda yadda.

Hmm this is interesting. Fbrother’s buyer for the methane rig plans is Barnes’s lackey, 7-Up dude. Didn’t predict that!

Working for himself or Barnes? Fbrother demands more money.

John Ross and Elena cleverly come up with a way to get the oil under SF without actually drilling the ranch … slant or horizontal drilling. (Simpsons did it.)

Cue a medical emergency. Bobby starts stroking out or something. You’d think SF would have their own ambulance or medical staff on site.

Doctors diagnose a “brain seizure.” Is that a real thing?

Elena and Christopher look sort of longingly at each other. Elena admits to John Ross that B has the cancer, and no one told him because everyone assumed he and JR would have used the knowledge to gain the upper hand. John Ross gets a look on his face like he suddenly realizes what a d-bag everyone thinks he is … or does he?

Does John Ross have a conscience? Discuss.

Either way, he summons the elusive Bum the PI and demands that he find JR. Says “I’ve never kicked an old man’s ass, but today’s as good a day as any.” He tells Bum to tell JR that his brother is dying.

Bobby had an aneurysm. Needs to get his blood pressure down so he can have surgery.  So he stubbornly insists on leaving the hospital. Ha! He said they should get an ambulance to be on stand by. Told you.

For some reason, Rebecca shows up at the ranch. Hmm, Ann called and told her about Bobby … NOT Christopher. Some reconciliation.

Awkward, at that moment Elena walks in with 2 cups of coffee …

The family has hired Nurse Ratchett.

On her way out, Rebecca considers stealing Christopher’s key card but doesn’t.

JR is back!

Ann yells at him. Calls him a sociopath. Kicks him out and threatens to shoot him in the ding ding.

Bobby says he regrets selling SF. The man is a world-class waffler. No wonder he was dead for an entire season and then suddenly came back.

Christopher says he won’t fight John Ross on the slant-drilling, but he wants the deed back for SF. Wants peace of mind for Bobby.

C lays it on thick, playing the Cuzzin family loyalty card. Says Bobby has always been there for John Ross, even when his own father JR wasn’t … tells him the old John Ross he used to know would do anything to get SF back. It’s like he’s Darth Vader and they are still trying to find the one little bit of Annikin goodness in him … like a creamy moral center.

John Ross tries a direct tactic, asking JR for the deed back. He refuses. John Ross says Uncle Bobby helped him out when he was attacked – JR says “I came as soon as I heard!” LIAR.

JR says “what’s gotten into you anyway?” John Ross says “a little bit of decency.”

FINALLY someone, John Ross, says he’s tired of hearing about THE BIRTHRIGHT.

Enough with the gd birthright already.

JR promptly kicks John Ross out of his room where John Ross has been staying. Doesn’t SF have another guest room?

John Ross walks out with his luggage, encounters Sue Ellen and Elena. John Ross says JR is back but refuses to sign the deed back over, even tho he can now have the oil, which ostensibly is what he wanted. John Ross says of JR, “He’s being pig-headed and selfish.” “That’s so unlike JR,” says Sue Ellen sarcastically and stomps off.

John Ross appears to be having a moment of reckoning. He’s coming to terms with the fact that he’s been craving and seeking the approval of a ginormous jerk bag who would claw over his own family to get his way. John Ross says he loves his father, but he’s so lost in his own anger and bitterness that there’s no room for anybody else.

Parental dynamics can be complicated.  

Sue Ellen gives an awesome impassioned speech to JR. how he leaves a path of destruction in everyone’s lives, and that she and Bobby are used to it but he should stop screwing his own son over. She alludes to depression being the reason he ended up in the nursing home b/c he realized he had nothing, and he still has nothing. He says “I’m going to be back on top!” in a delusional manner.

SE tells Ann that Snakey Harris is blackmailing her. I kind of like this pairing of SE and Ann. They should figure out a way to screw Harris over. Hard. But in the meantime, they are already talking about SE’s gubernatorial bid in the past sense. Shame. Governor Ewing has a nice ring to it.

JR and his eyebrows sit down at Bobby’s desk. He spies a photo of him and Bobby together.

Carmen the housekeeper summons him to see “Mr Bobby.” It’s safe b/c Ann is gone. Nurse Ratchett allows him to enter.

JR says “I have lapses every now and then when I do wrong.” HA.

Bobby says he loves him.

It’s a short meeting.

Elena, Christopher and John Ross are drinking Shiner Bock in the SF kitchen. I appreciate the Texas-y touches. They ponder what Ewing oil would have been like had JR and Bobby been allies instead of enemies.

Christopher proposes he and John Ross team up to create Ewing Energies. With Elena as a partner. THREESOME!!

It’s kind of sexy when they talk oil talk and drilling technology and gas hydrates. Cuzzins!

Oh wait, Bobby is an equal partner too. Foursome? Ewwwww.

JR still owns the mineral rights to the oil under SF so he’ll still get the profits of that oil, or at least a part of it.

How cute, the kids are opening a lemonade stand.

JR is drinking brown liquor and staring at the deed. And a photo of his dead momma. He signs it. What does that mean?

Why can’t all documents be sepia toned and important looking?

JR leaves the document on Bobby’s bed (with Nurse Ratchett’s tacit approval.)

I guess he did sign the deed back over, I’ll be damned. But he points out if Bobby dies, it all goes back to him anyway. I guess this is about as warm and fuzzy as JR gets. Maybe he’ll spike Bobby’s meds and try and off him sooner.

BTW I HATE and I mean HATE the Walmart commercials that feature real customers. Painful.

Nice product placement of vehicles in Dallas. Corvette, Chevy, Tesla.

Tommy calls Rebecca and is furious that she doesn’t have the key card. He says “you owe me.” For what, exactly?

He wants to know where she is. She hangs up on him.

She then goes to a safety deposit box (bank lady comments on the fact that it’s been a while since she’s been there) that contains wads of cash and what looks like credit cards or credit card blanks … and a handgun.

Nice Johnny Cash song playing as she pulls the gun out of the deposit box and puts it in her ostrich purse.  

Cut to Tommy nervously waiting in a bar for Barnes’s sidekick, who tells him, ‘your services are no longer needed.’ Tommy looks pisssssed.

Lou (who is Lou – investigator? Lawyer? Fed?) calls Bobby and says they have a lead on FMarta – she had cloud storage of documents, video, etc. (did you say viddddeeeoooo?) He seems confident that they’ll find evidence that will nail the Venezuelans and get the BIRTHRIGHT back. But Lou brings up a good point – if they find evidence that implicates JR, does Bobby want to know?

Just when JR has done something nice (or so it seems) and perhaps they could start to think about reconciliation …

Cue another seizure for Bobby.

More Johnny Cash. Tommy barges into Rebecca’s loft and attacks her. To rape her? To kill her? Just rough her up? He talks about how the whole “oil” scam was her idea in the first place, and she engineered the whole Christopher set up. How exactly did her background check come back clean?

She fights back.

She’s fighting for them babies!

She grabs the gun. They struggle.

Gun shot – blood spatter on the stuffed monkeys – WHO WAS SHOT DAMMIT?
Just memorize this line, Rebecca: “It was self defense.”

If I were a betting woman, I’d bet that Tommy is the one shot. However, if Rebecca gets shot (and killed) then that clears the path for Christopher and Elena to finally be together.

Tantalizing scenes shown from THE FINAL EPISODE NEXT WEEK. No Cliff Barnes this week (DRAT!) but I have it on good authority (@kenkercheval) that he will be on the season finale! 

Chill … ‘til the next episode.