Wednesday, July 25, 2012

EPISODE 8 – only this one and 2 more episodes to go until the season ends

When we last saw John Ross, he was in the back of a police cruiser being dragged away by Dallas’s finest.

Cut to a visiting room at the jail, where Elena is asking him what he was doing in FMarta’s hotel room. Sure, don’t ask questions about whether he killed a woman or not, or was involved in a violent crime, demand to know if he was with another woman!

John Ross  as always cleverly positions himself – tells Elena he was there to save her from the stalkery FMarta. Which he was, because he thought FMarta had kidnapped her. Which she wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been shtupping her and conniving with her against his entire family …

Anyway, the police have strong evidence … and they didn’t find a surveiilance camera. Whoooops.

Interestingly enough, he’s been in custody at least 30 seconds and hasn’t given up the Venezuelans yet.

BTW, Cliff Barnes better be in this episode.

Cut to Mommy visiting John Ross in jail. Sue Ellen to the rescue …she’s already hired him a great attorney and thinks FMarta’s death will be ruled a suicide. She also thinks he’s holding something back, and is protecting his father. But who is he protecting exactly, his father, or himself? Or both. He stubbornly doesn’t want JR to be called back in to clean up this mess. He comes clean to Ma about having slept with FMarta, but he won’t tattle to her about the Venezuelans. He says he doesn’t want to mess with her gubernatorial bid, but I would guess the press would already be having a field day about this. He also seems overly concerned that Elena will find out that he had an affair with FMarta. Should we remind him that someone is dead?

You want to believe he actually cares for Elena, but then again …

Cut to Christopher and Knocked Up Rebecca (KUR) in his Tesla, with vanity plates Ewing 6. Who has got Ewings 1-5. Anyway, she says “where do we go from here” which prompts me to break into song from Evita. Patti Lupone is a legend but I liked Madonna in the movie. Anyhoo.

He says he’ll take responsibility for the baby, she throws back in his face how traumatic his parents’ divorce was for him, and how all he said he ever wanted was for their kids to have two parents under one roof. Well I guess she shouldn’t have conned him and scammed him and broken up his previous relationship and gone through his paperwork and tried to set up his family and brought her evil “brother” into the mix. What were we talking about?

Oh right, Christopher’s anger. “will we ever get past that,” KUR asks. “I don’t know.” Powerful stuff. It’s hard to make an angry getaway revving an electric car.

Friendly local po-po is filling Bobby and Ann in on the FMarta situation, who she really is. Says things aren’t looking good for John Ross. Bobby says John Ross is ambitious, but not a killer.

Christopher walks in and says he needs to do something about a rig test blah blah. SOMEHOW in the midst of all the drama he has managed to keep diddling around with his methane stuff. When was he working?

Continuing in the theme of Nobody Knocks, Elena strolls in to the kitchen. She’s upset. I guess about the whole boyfriend going to jail thing. Christopher is unsympathetic, says if you play with snakes long enough you’re bound to get bit. He’s right. She counters that anger at John Ross isn’t enough of a reason to want him to suffer for a crime he didn’t commit. Huh, she’s also right. She reminds Christopher that he and John Ross used to be best friends. Falls on deaf ears.

Christopher chases the 5-0 outside. Oh, he’s the sheriff. Good connections. Asks the sheriff to run a background check on his “wife” Rebecca. I wouldn’t even refer to her as my wife if I were him. Does that mean he’s softening? Does the background check mean he wants to try and trust her again?

Either way, I’ve watched enough police procedurals to know cops get in trouble when they randomly run criminal background checks on people they are not investigating. I guess it’s ok if you’re the sheriff. Which reminds me, why didn’t anyone call the cops on Rebecca and Tommy? And WHY is she still living in their loft? He probably still has a joint bank account with her.

You gotta expect some interesting dirt will come out of that background check, tho.

Back to county lockup. John Ross struts even in an orange jumpsuit. For some reason he hasn’t had a bail hearing yet. The head Venezuelan guy (Vicente?) comes to see him, at John Ross’s request. John Ross asks him where the video footage is … general threatening banter … Vicente basically says he (John Ross) is responsible for FMarta’s death since he ratted on her.

John Ross says he’s going to come clean to the cops. Vicente threatens him in a general manner. Demands his oil again. John Ross gives vague excuses again. Says get me out of here, and you’ll get your oil.

Vicente says YOU’RE TIME IS UP. Duhn duhn duhn!

Exxon Mobil comes to see Christopher, wants to make an offer. He says he won’t license it. Nerdy looking people work at his eco friendly alternative energy joint.

Ann is hanging out with Rebecca, inexplicably. Is being very supportive.  Tries to bolster Rebecca’s confidence, blah blah. Tommy comes strolling in (doesn’t knock). Where has he been? Oh wait, I don’t care. Babbles something about Rebecca being his only family. Ann inexplicably offers Tommy a job on her cousin’s ranch in Oklahoma. Isn’t the guy a creep, a criminal, a conman? Why would you help him and foist him off on family. And why would he seems so excited about a smelly ranch job in Oklahoma, like he can’t get a smelly ranch job in Texas.

I wish they would just out Ann’s secret already so she can stop being guilt-nice to Rebecca.

Finally, somebody knocks! The Venezuelans, on Bobby Ewing’s door. Tells Bobby that they hold a lien on SF until loan is paid off through the oil. Will this force Bobby’s hand to allow drilling on SF??

The other option is the Venezuelans call in the loan and take the BIRTHRIGHT LAND. Bobby narrows his eyes at him … scoffs at the note and the fraudulent deal. Tells Vicente that he owns the land, but Bobby owns the mineral rights. And basically get out of my house. They really need better security at SF.

It’s time for a good shivving! Or at least a good beat down. John Ross gets his ass kicked with a warning from Vicente and a message to Bobby.

Random white dude lawyer says the lien is valid. Bobby wants to pursue the fraud charges and collusion and stuff. Yelling, loud voices, etc.

Family rushes to John Ross’s bedside. Something about internal bleeding. A Latino gang is blamed. Bobby immediately makes connection to the Venezuelans. Smartypants. Bobby wants to help John Ross make bail to get him out of harm’s way.

Christopher looks longingly at Elena who is looking sadly at John Ross.

Sue Ellen deals frustratedly with a coffee air pump in the hospital waiting room. Ann lends a sympathetic ear. Boy, Ann must be working off some MAJOR guilt. Sue Ellen says she’s going to have to cross a line to help John Ross. Ann assures her she’s just trying to be a good mother.

John Ross wakes up, sees Christopher at his bedside.  Tells Christopher that the Venezuelans will kill him just like they killed FMarta if they don’t get oil. Christopher says John Ross needs to come clean … John Ross says the V’s are too dangerous. Tells Christopher about the camera. Wishes he hadn’t been so desperate to drill on SF. Must be some good pain meds he’s on.

JR and his eyebrows are at a bar. Bum calls him and tells him about John Ross getting beat up in jail. JR is still obsessing over the Pakistani dude.  Are they really going to develop that plot line in the last two episodes of the season?

Bobby goes to visit Miss Ellie’s grave. I don’t think I’d want to be buried in my own backyard. He tells the headstone that he’s going to do whatever it takes to protect the family.

Bobby says until they can prove fraud, they are going to have to start pumping oil on SF. Boy he flipflops fast. Christopher says he can give the V’s something better than oil. He wants to start taking care of this family. He’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse. License his technology?

Sue Ellen goes to a morgue. Of course. She wants to strongarm the coroner into ruling the death a suicide. Offers him post of CME when she’s Governor. He doesn’t seem receptive to the bribe. But she threatens him with dirt she’s got on him.

John Ross’s criminal ward, late at night … the guard walks away … THE VENEUELANS ARE COMING! THE VENEZUELANS ARE COMING!

Oh wait, I see eyebrow shadows. It’s JR, back from Vegas and some imaginary high stakes card game.

Christopher goes to see Vicente in his phat Miami Vice type pad. V wants to reclaim his oil from Chavez’s nationalization. Why should he care about Christopher’s chunks of smelly cow fart ice? Christopher has his little pitch down with the ice and the fire.

Christopher tells V that he can harness resources worth more than all the coal, oil and natural gas in all of Venezuela combined .. offers them exclusive South American rights to the technology. They want ‘certain assurances’ that the tech works. He wants the footage. Will C turn out to be the best wheeler dealer in the family?

Wait, was JR really there, or was it a dream? An nice reference to the dream season of Dallas 1.0?

Sue Ellen goes to see John Ross at the hospital, detective walks in, says charges have been magically dropped. Sue Ellen looks smug … but turns out charges were dropped since the camera was mysteriously located on the roof of the hotel. Either Christopher or JR had something to do with it.

SE cashed in her chips for nothing. The ME ruled it a suicide even tho it clearly wasn’t which means he screwed up, put his career and life on the line, for nothing and now a killer goes free. Oh well.

John Ross and Christopher make up. They are just two good ol’ boys trying to make their daddies proud. John Ross limps off with Elena.

Now that John Ross is safe, they need to figure out a way to get SF back.

Christopher is now dancing with the devil. 

Sheriff dropped off the background check.

SE confesses to Ann that she bribed a medical examiner. Now she’s regretting crossing that line. Probably because she did it for naught.

Christopher goes to Rebecca’s place – oh wait, his place. Tells her the background check came back clean. But he’s not sure he can let all the anger and distrust go. He asks her if there any more secrets. Of course she says no.

I don’t think this is something that a couple can move past …

WITHOUT KNOCKING, Tommy storms back in. he knows about Exxon going to see Christopher and the potential value of the technology. He wasn’t happy with the engagement and wedding rings she tried to pay him off with (shouldn’t Christopher have demanded those back? Dumass.) and he wants to sell it to the highest bidder. He gives Rebecca a big ol smacker on the lips and threatens to tell Christopher all their dirty little secrets.


Description of this episode, per the channel guide:
Ewings try to clear the family name; Christopher is approached by oil company.  

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Ep 7 – Rebecca confides in Elena; someone close to the family is murdered.

Episode opens with Christopher racing a pretty horse out to the thinkin’ tree where the Ewings carve the names of their beloveds. He caresses the carving of “Chris + Elena.”

John Ross is on the phone yelling at some lawyer to ‘un-do’ the trust that blocks him from the mineral rights on Southfork. Christopher strolls in and gives him back the DVD of John Ross having sex with FMarta, tho unclear why he wouldn’t hold on to it as collateral. I guess he’s that thick. … John Ross says “don’t you have some cows to go birth?” good question.

Christopher says something about the Ewing name (BIRTHRIGHT!!) and says “just because I’m fighting fair, doesn’t mean I won’t fight … for Southfork AND FOR ELENA. “

Cue John Ross’s nostrils flaring … and the awesome theme song which gets stuck in your head for days at a time. Well at least it does in mine.

Rebecca shows up at Elena’s door with a gift basket to thank her for ‘being cool’ about taking her to the doctor. She promptly yaks in Elena’s bathroom, and Elena immediately knows Rebecca is preggos.  She says “I’m sorry I threw up in your bathroom” and leaves. It’s this kind of writing that keeps us hooked!!

Incidentally, has anyone had Elena checked out for anorexia? She’s not going to eat any of the food in that basket, guarantee.

Incidentally, can just anyone in the world just drive onto SF and hang out whenever they please? You’d think there would be a guardhouse, and that they’d have instructions to not let Rebecca on the property. You’d also think that Christopher would have changed the locks on his loft so that Rebecca couldn’t be hanging around in it with her “brother” going through important family documents … that boy just is really thick I think. He may just be dumb enough to fall for Rebecca’s ploys to try and get him back.

I’m not convinced that she really does love Christopher – well, maybe she hearts him a little but I don’t think her motives are pure – and I’m not convinced that baby is his. Unfortunately, he’s probably too thick to demand a paternity test. (Maury tie-in? Note to producers.)

Cut to Ann sitting in a park somewhere fingering the locket her ex husband gave her and watching kids in a playground. Bobby calls her – why is he listed as “Bobby Ewing” in her phone – do you have your husband’s first and last name as his contact in your phone? Mine says Sweet B, not my hub’s real name. Suspicious.

Further suspicious, she lies to Bobby and says she’s at Nieman’s (taking the name in vain) and that she won’t be home in time to take a ride with him. What skeletons from her past are dancing in her closet? 

Unfortunately now that I’ve made the connection that she is the braless “if it don’t fit, you must acquit” character from Seinfeld, I can’t stop picturing her that way. I miss you, Jackie Chiles! But I digress …

John Ross tells a story about bourbon to Charlene Tilton over salad. She makes a reference to Sue Ellen’s alcoholism. He asks ‘his favorite cousin’ Lucy to ask Uncle Gary to help him with the mineral rights issue. JR and Gary need to sign off for him to be able to drill. She seems surprised that John Ross is a d-bag.

Offers her a ‘significant stake’ (or steak, perhaps) in Ewing oil for her participation. Wouldn’t she already have a stake? So many questions.

Elena is working on her pickup truck – she’s so self sufficient. Christopher shows up and tries and helps her with the engine.

“any sparks” he asks? Har har. 

He tries to apologize to Elena for what he said, she says he has to respect her relationship with John Ross. She acknowledges they were getting too close.  He says he cares about her, and he should have fought harder when he thought she ditched him on their wedding day. She urges him to call Rebecca.

Then she blurts out that Rebecca is pregnant. “She should have been the one to tell you,” says Elena. AH, YOU THINK?

Christopher storms off. So much storming in this show, love it.

Bobby is somewhere on the ranch playing with cattle (he’s so hands on) and police come to find him. They arrest him for the assault on Harris Ryland – oooh didn’t see that coming! Instead of fighting back, Ryland hits him legally. Well played. And he did it in front of witnesses, even.
Bobby is in jail, talking with his lawyer. Well-connected Ryland is offering a deal – Bobby apologizes and he will drop the charges. Don’t trust him! Bobby thinks Ryland wants to get his hooks back into Ann.

Bobby switches conversation to ‘where is JR?’
Lawyer says he’s got some dirt on JR”s PI, Bum. So his name is Bum, not Bump. Good to know.

Christopher goes to the loft. Accuses Rebecca of lying about the pregnancy.

She gives him attitude … ooh low blow she throws the abandonment card at him – says she thought he’d be more understanding, seeing how his birth parents treated him.
Interesting tactic?

Christopher tells Bobby and Ann that he’s going to have Rebecca do a paternity test. So he does have an ounce of sense! Bobby expresses surprise that Christopher might think Rebecca is lying (huh?) and Ann yells at Christopher saying Rebecca is trying to do right by him and he’s just being spiteful and cruel. (double huh? Must be a reference to her own past)

Ever since she got Ryland’s flowers, she’s been ‘edgy.’ I don’t think she told Bobby about the locket.

In return, Bobby hadn’t told her that he went to see Ryland and ‘slapped him around,’ and now Ryland is demanding an apology or will press charges.

John Ross and Elena are out to dinner. Twisted Root Burgers – I’ve been there!! Damn good burgers. John Ross is right about something.  Apparently was the site of their first date. He says she’s the one thing grounding him right now and he doesn’t know what he’d do without her.

And they are drinking Shiner Bock – very Texan.

Says they should go on a trip when all the drilling nonsense is past them. Just then he sees FMarta walk by …
Things get worse as the Venezolanos call him and demand a meeting in one hour.

“Word travels like oil in a pipeline,” says Vicente. “and the word is, there is no oil in your pipeline.” Reminds John Ross that he owns the lien on SF. John Ross offers information in exchange for more time; he throws FMarta under the bus and tells Vicente that she’s been skimming from him. Asks that FMarta be run out of town.

John Ross gets one more week …
And if they don’t get what they are promised, they will take SF. BIRTHRIGHT!!

John Ross catches Lucy coming out of Bobby’s office. She and Gary are on Bobby’s side. John Ross says he’s in trouble with the Venezuelans. Bobby is shall we say unsympathetic to his plight.

You almost feel sorry for John Ross.

Next scene, he goes crying to Momma. She suggests he use some of Elena’s oil to pay off the Venezuelans. Not a bad idea. John Ross says he doesn’t want to

JR calls Bum to see what’s going on. JR doesn’t seem worried about the mineral rights trusts holding up in court. Bum gives him the update on Cliff’s right hand man who turns out to be a child from Islamabad that he plucked from the streets and gave a home, job, education. In other words, a foundling!! Very Little Orphan Annie.

JR alludes to maybe making Islamabad some kind of offer.

Christopher and Rebecca are at the doctor’s office getting a paternity test. Touching scene. She apologizes for what she said about his birth parents. Wah wah.

Sue Ellen takes Elena to lunch, tries to convince her to give John Ross oil. Sue Ellen is very convincing. Plus, she is the sole investor in Elena’s company, and she not so subtly reminds her.

Two tables over, FMarta is watching Elena at the restaurant.

John Ross gets a call from Elena, but it’s really FMarta on the other end of the line!! She intimates that she has Elena (I don’t think she does, just her phone) and that he should come to some hotel.

John Ross goes storming over there. Walks into a dark hotel room (bad move). Finds a freaky mad looking FMarta hiding in the hotel room. She is (rightfully so) freaking out over the fact that Vicente knows she stole from him. She says if he cares about Elena’s safety, he will help save her from the Venezuelans.

Christopher goes to Elena’s door. Of course, she is there, not with FMarta. Elena apologizes for spilling the beans about the pregnancy. Christopher declares he still wants to be with her. She resists because he’s going to be a father. She says they have to make it work with their respective others.

“I guess timing is everything,” says Christopher. Ain’t that the truth.

Of course it couldn’t be that easy. Sure, we thought Rebecca was going to be out of the picture, clearing the way for Christopher and Elena to get back together … but NOOOO whammo stupid pregnancy gets in the way.

Bobby goes to Ryland and apologizes, Ryland drops charges. Bobby tells him to stay away from Anne. Ryland tires to give him a folder and says Anne is hiding something from him.

Vicente froze FMarta’s bank accounts. John Ross offers her money, she wants his help. For some reason FMarta had a camera set up, unclear what she was intending to film. He snatches Elena’s phone back from her, she scratches him, he leaves.

Cue 2 Venezuelan goons going toward FMarta’s room. Clearly they will kill her, and police will find John Ross’s DNA under her fingernails. Dun dun dun!

Ann is pleading with Christopher to take Rebecca back, saying she lied about something in her past but didn’t lie about her love .. uh talking about herself much? Clearly she’s hiding something, and it has something to do with a child. Bobby has the folder that Ryland gave him, but it’s not clear if he’s looked at it or not. Phone rings, doctor calling Christopher about the paternity results .. but of course they won’t give him the results over the phone.

Cut back to John Ross leaving the hotel, and running smack dab into FMarta’s very real dead body lying on the hood of a car … horror!! My guess is he will run rather than wait for the cops. He may think FMarta committed suicide, she did have a well documented history of mental instability, but the whole DNA under the fingernails is going to prove quite a bother …

Oh, yeah, he’s pulling a runner. Bad move. Especially when they were witnesses who saw him on FMarta’s floor .. and particularly when the hotel security footage will very easily pick him up fleeing in his black Corvette.

So Christopher goes to the doctor, with his mom and dad, which is a little weird, and finds out the baby is his. Er, make that, babies. They can tell at 9 weeks that someone is having twins? Double kick to the nuts, Christopher.

Cue creepy/supposed to be sweet scene of an ultrasound with Rebecca, Christopher … and his parents. Ann runs off crying. Awkward.

Cut to Ann fingering the locket again in front of a fireplace. Bobby tells her that Ryland gave him a folder about her past, but he doesn’t need to look in it. Says he’s there for her, and throws the folder in the fireplace. Sheeet, I would have read it lickety split. Cut to images of photos burning, of Ann holding a baby. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last of this.

John Ross meets up with Elena. She tells him she’ll help with the oil, says “we’re in this together, I’ve made my choice.” JUST at that second, police pull up looking for John Ross, saying he was seen fleeing the scene of a crime, namely that of the murder of FMarta. They take him in for questioning. Oddly enough he doesn’t protest his innocence and he and Elena just give each other a meaningful stare. Guess it’s good FMarta was taping the action in the hotel room, huh?

How do they pack so much into one hour? Less even when you factor in commercials. Damn.  

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dallas Episode 6 - Believe in the Warrior

How short is John Ross anyway? I have a feeling he’s like 5 feet tall.

Episode opens with him overseeing “his” land and thinking about how life is complicated. Has a nice fake stain on his sweatshirt.  Elena reiterates that he has nothing to worry about since he wasn’t part of the land fraud. Lies again!

Elena says to him, “I don’t believe in the war, but I believe in the warrior.” Oh how pissed she is going to be.

Bobby tells John Ross not to get too comfortable at Southfork. John Ross threatens to kick him out of the house. Bobby says he is “all hat and no cattle” – that he doesn’t care about the land.

John Ross’s crew man comes and tells him the Ryland tankers ain’t coming. John Ross immediately makes the connection between Bobby’s wife and Ryland.

Rebecca is still going through boxes. Her “brother” is getting antsy. They haven’t found anything in the boxes of value, or so Rebecca says. Weird sexual tension between them, doubt they are actually siblings. And if they are, ewwwwww.
She slips a folder into her briefcase and makes an excuse to leave.

As it turns out, Bobby didn’t know that Anne went to her ex-husband for help with the tankers. He is upset because they didn’t talk about it first. How about if he talked to her first about selling the ranch? How about if he told her immediately that he had cancer? Hypocrite. 

Turns out, Bobby had already arranged for a “sick out” on the part of the tanker drivers – sneakier than I would have given him credit for. He is afraid that Anne’s ex will want something in return for the favor.

John Ross is working the phones trying to find tanker trucks. JR’s investors are expecting the first shipment by Friday. I like how he refers to his own dad as “JR.”

Christopher walks right in to John Ross’s room – my friend A is right, there are no locks on SF and no one knocks! Christopher (10 mins into the episode I had already forgotten about him, yawnfest) confronts John Ross and wants to know where the evidence is against JR that he is demanding, in exchange for not exposing the sex tape. John Ross says he’s got nothing, and that JR screwed everyone over.

I like how they call each other “cousin” in a sneering way. John Ross accuses Christopher of not being angry about the land, but about Elena.

John Ross says exposing the DVD won’t help Christopher get SF back, Christopher doesn’t seem to care, it would be some kind of justice.  John Ross says screw it, go ahead and show people the DVD, he’s already got his cover lie worked up for Elena, and once he can get the oil off the ranch via nonexistent trailers, he won’t care what Christopher does. Christopher babbles something about being a real Ewing – sensitive much?

Rebecca shows up at SF – ballsy. Claims she has info that can help Christopher and Bobby save SF. What’s her end game? Does she really love Christopher?

So Rebecca has a copy of some document that alludes to a trust that separates the mineral rights (oil) from the land rights – in short, the sale of SF to the FDel Sol Conservancy and henceforth to JR would not have conveyed the oil rights. Of course they have to find the original document in order to make it stick. How many cows do you want to be that it was in the boxes of papers that room in the stables that JR was going through?

“If my read of Texas property law is correct …” wait, Rebecca is actually a lawyer?  Christopher still doesn’t trust her. She has her “pained, innocent” expression down pat. They throw her out anyway, but keep the paper. Christopher totally checks out her ass on her way out the door.

As Rebecca is leaving, she gets a nosebleed and is dizzy. I like the yellow and white awnings they have at SF.

Bobby and Christopher start going through some garage/storage area on the ranch going through Jock’s old stuff, looking for a key to a supposed safety deposit box that they presume might exist somewhere with a copy of the imaginary trust in it. Well, what else are they going to do with their time, I guess.

But I would think that Bobby and Anne would have found time to go through his father’s old things rather than just have them sitting in some storage shed. That’s their birthright in there! Ok so it’s a set of chairs, but still, those are Ewing chairs!!

Christopher takes the opportunity to tell Bobby the dirt he’s got on John Ross, the tape of him having “SEX” with FMarta. The way Christopher says the word SSEX makes me believe that he is a prude, in addition to a bad dresser.

Bobby doesn’t see the value of the DVD, since it implicates John Ross, but not JR, and JR’s name is the one on the deed.

Where did JR go in that helicopter anyway? The theory has been floated that he went to Switzerland for pioneering eyebrow surgery. Tho I don’t think you can really get to Switzerland from Dallas in a helicopter.

Bobby advises against blackmail – it’s not just wrong, it’s bad business.

Speak of the devil, there’s JR. he looks like he’s in Vegas, with 3 masseuses pampering him. Bum(p) calls him, lets him know that the tankers have been pulled and Christopher is blackmailing John Ross. JR says he threw him in the brier patch to learn and that he’ll be fine.

Ah, an end game – JR wants in on Cliff’s high-stakes poker game, hence the trip to Vegas. JR thinks Barnes’s end game is to bring casinos to Texas … which would explain his support of Sue Ellen in a run for governor. Whatever Cliff Barnes is up to, JR is intent on crushing him.

Somehow getting into the game will help JR in this endeavor.

Back to Bobby and Christopher in the dusty storage shed/garage. A basket, not unlike one you might use to set a foundling adrift in a river, is perched atop something covered with a sheet … Jock’s desk of course. Didn’t look staged at all.

Cool old roll-tip desk, the kind that is bound to have a hidden drawer/compartment. Oh no need, they find a key in an old bronzed baby shoe. Key says “Texas National Bank,” which by now should be a Bank of America.

Elena took Rebecca to the hospital, that was nice of her, especially since Rebecca is the one who broke her and Christopher up, or at least Rebecca’s brother did – but Elena doesn’t seem mad at her. Maybe Elena is just really dumb?

Rebecca says, well now you and Christopher can be happy together, and Elena says that ain’t gonna happen with scorn in her voice, no doubt remember the harsh words he said to her … good way for Rebecca to fish for intel, now she knows Elena isn’t looking to get back with Christopher, so that paves the way for her to work or worm her way back into his heart.

No word on her mysterious nosebleed and dizziness.

One of the Venezuelan gangsters, Vincente, shows up at SF and just strolls into John Ross’s room. No one knocks. He is vaguely threatening.  V knows about the tanker delays. John Ross says he needs a few more days.

V says there is a price to be paid when the sons don’t make good on the promises of the father.

How much plastic surgery do we think Sue Ellen has had? Full face lift? Resurfacing, Botox, fillers …

John Ross goes to SE for help with the tanker issue. Wants her to convince Ryland to get the trucks moving again, tells her to offer him a political favor. She hesitates, he pulls the bad mother card. He tells her they’re in debt to the Venezuelans, paying them with 14% of the oil proceeds, and that they can lose the ranch to them. He might want to be more concerned about losing his cojones to them, literally.

But that’s what happens when you dance with the devil, AKA JR.

Oh whiny John Ross because your mother won’t stoop to your level, you throw it in her face that she has never been there for you. Throwing a tantrum, John Ross goes back to his apartment and smashes a model of an oil well that has something to do with his childhood. THE BIRTHRIGHT!!

FMarta shows up, dressed in a sexy Leger style bandage dress. She’s come because now she and John Ross can be together, since he was only banging Elena for business … he tells her she’s crazy (duh) and that he wants nothing to do with her, probably because she screwed him over in their business deal, sold him out to his dad, drugged him and taped them having sex, the DVD of which is now in the hands of his cousin who can use it to prove he and FMarta knew each other all along … all in a day’s work for a stalker. She says she has money they can use to run away together, money she skimmed from Vincente (yeah that won’t come back to haunt her). John Ross says he wouldn’t go across the street with her, let along run away, and she should leave before he does something they would both regret. She looks shocked. Cue Psycho stabbing noises!

Creepy undertaker shows Bobby and Christpher to the safety deposit box.  Christopher and Bobby find a pistol, some family birth certificates and papers … and of course the mineral rights trust. Gosh that was easy.

The door to Elena’s apartment is open. Clearly FMarta got in. I hope Elena doesn’t have a bunny.
John Ross finds the surveillance photo of him and Elena embracing with a knife stuck in it. He storms out to go confront FMarta. Leaves 2 hired goons with shotguns to protect Elena’s apt.

He goes storming into FMarta’s apartment/hotel room. I guess he had a key. And no one locks doors. Or knocks. FMarta has cleared out.

Awesome, JR is in one of those high-roller Vegas suites that comes with its own butler. Sweet.

7-11 shows up at JR’s suite (bald guy who claims to be Cliff’s ‘driver’ who reminds me of the “never had it, never will” bald guy from the old 7-11 commercials.) JR says he wants in on the poker game; Baldy says the buy-in is $1 million.

JR calls Bum(p) and says to dig up dirt on Baldy, and to tell Carlos Del Sol that he needs $1m. that’s the real Carlos Del Sol, but why would he give JR money? Maybe JR has another deal going with him on the side.

Bum(p) lies to John Ross and says he hasn’t spoken to JR and doesn’t know how to reach him. John Ross tells him of the FMarta trouble. Says her real name is Veronica Martinez, he thinks. Bum(p) says he’ll go pay her a visit. John Ross says, you’ll have to find her first.

“that ain’t no step for a stepper” is Bum(p)’s reply.

Anne receives flowers, assumes they are from Bobby for the spat they had. Of course they are from her ex husband. He remembered she likes freesias. He also sent her a locket/pendant which makes Anne start sobbing uncontrollably. She runs off. What the hell is so significant about the locket?

Bobby goes storming in to the ex’s office (no knocking) and slaps him, in the middle of a business meeting. Ex does nothing.

Rebecca goes back to SF to pick up her car, runs into Christopher. He tells her they found the original deed – why bother telling her? He zooms of (sort of) in his Tesla.

Sue Ellen goes to see the Ryland guy. She says if he releases his tanker she’ll give him some position as railroad commissioner if she gets elected. He says he can’t accept but will release the tankers anyway, and writes her a check for a big campaign donation. What’s his end game?

Trucks start rolling back in to SF. Now John Ross is happy again with his momma because he got his way. Smarmy bastard. Way to go SE rolling over and compromising yourself so quickly for your jerky son. And you’re not even in office yet!

No dialogue, shot of Anne putting the locket on with a weird look on her face. Could she be obsessed with her ex? He alluded to the fact that she went a little off the deep end over their divorce.

Cut to shot of John Ross gluing his precious little oil well model back together. Surely there is a ranchhand or PI that does that sort of thing for him? Christopher and Bobby smugly come into his room (no knocking) and show him the mineral rights deed. Christopher basically says “my daddy is better than your daddy” and we own the rights to the oil. Christopher says “you’re beat, COUSIN, fair and square.”

Tommy finally realizes that Rebecca found the document and gave it to Christopher. Rebecca says they are done and gives him her expensive wedding and engagement rings, tells him to sell them and get out of town, he won’t make any money of the Ewings, she is in love with Christopher and (I bet you she’s pregnant) and yes she reveals that SHE’S PREGNANT.

In addition to not knocking, I guess no one uses birth control either.

Once again, the cable guide description of the episode is disappointingly free of
John Ross takes on more responsibility; Rebecca learns valuable information.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Dallas, episode 5 – newlyweds fail to maintain their happy attitude

 Last time we saw the Ewings, JR had Lawyer Lobell and FMarta in his back pocket. John Ross had leverage on Rebecca and she was about to spill the beans – some beans at least – to Christopher …  

Rebecca confesses right off the bat at the start of the episode to Christopher that Tommy engineered the whole infamous email to Elena and their getting together. Claims that she didn’t know Tommy sent the email until John Ross started blackmailing her. Christopher storms off.

Does Rebecca really love Christopher now? Is she a grifter with a conscience? Is Tommy really pulling all the strings?

Can’t Elena help her mother get some more stylish clothes? 

Christopher goes running in to the Southfork going away BBQ and lands a great running punch on Tommy. In front of the entire assembly of guests it is revealed that Rebecca’s relationship with Christopher has been a sham and that she and Tommy are conning the Ewings for their moolah. Christopher has Tommy thrown off the ranch. (how about calling the cops?)

Christopher throws Rebecca out (with her nice hard-sided luggage) and goes roaring off, well sort of, in his Tesla.

Elena apologizes to John Ross for not believing that he didn’t send the infamous email. She’s ticked that Christopher wanted to pay her off and saying she had not integrity (in the last episode), so in her words, “Christopher and I are done.” She and John Ross embrace.

Next morning (so how did the BBQ go, kids?) Anne and Bobby are nonchalantly having coffee – Anne seems to feel sorry for Rebecca … Bobby has no sympathy and says he wants to see if there is anything they can do legally about Tommy and Rebecca.

A courier drops off the deed to Southfork and Bobby sees that it’s in JR’s name – he goes storming in to JR’s room.  JR claims that Marta (FMarta) was going to sell the ranch to Cliff Barnes and so in order to avoid that he got a group of investors together and bought it. I thought they had to wait 30 days to get it back from the Venezuelans? I’m confused.

“Ewing oil is back in business!” declares J.R.

“I’m going to take you down, brother.” Says Bobby.

Ann finally realizes JR is a dickhead. Way to go Ann!

Christopher and Bobby go storming off in Bobby’s Mercedes (I really feel like Bobby would drive American) to Lobell’s office only to find out he’s cleared out.

JR of course intends to drill, baby, drill on Southfork. Something about his daddy’s legacy, and Bobby trying to honor his momma’s legacy.

So far 2 actors from the show 24 have appeared in Dallas, wonder if there’s a connection. Another guy was on the X Files.

Christopher/Bobby go see some other muckety muck or lawyer. Is revealed the Del Sol involvement was a lie, and that Marta is FMarta. They suspect FMarta and Lobell have fled the country. Though it was all a fraud, the sale was legal, and therefore the subsequent sale to JR was also valid….

UNLESS they can prove that JR knew about the conspiracy with the first sale …

Rebecca tries to call Christopher, he ignores the call. Duh.

Christopher I guess was too busy to change the locks because Rebecca and Tommy are still in his loft, with boxes of information on Christopher’s patent and business files, which they hope to ‘monetize.’

Elena goes over to yell at John Ross. He of course is shocked as well that the deed is in JR’s name, since he’s been double-crossed as well. Tries to reach his dad.  Elena doesn’t believe he wasn’t involved – which he sort of wasn’t – but yet, he was.

Christopher wants to ‘fight fire with fire.’ Boy Scout Bobby wants to take the high road. He reminds Christopher that he’s fought JR in the past, and won.

John Ross goes to FMarta’s apartment or I guess her hotel room. Why hasn’t she fled the country? Oh wait, she’s crazy. He yells at her for betraying him – she retaliates with a photo of him embracing Elena.  FMarta says “I warned you not to toy with me.” He tells her to stay the hell away from him.

If John Ross tries to screw JR now, the whole deal can fall through and he could lose any chance of getting a claim on SF. Although out of spite he could side with Bobby and try to screw his Dad, although then he’d have to admit his complicity … it’s complicated.

And what about the Venezuelans? I feel like they’re not totally out of the picture. And FMarta hasn’t revealed the John Ross sex tape yet or gone totally psycho on him.

And cue after the commercial, FMarta watching the sex tape! And just sitting there looking like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction when she’s sitting in her cool loft just turning a lamp on and off again and staring into space.

You know, I’m still not sure Michael Douglas really got what was coming to him in that movie? He didn’t lose his job, he didn’t lose his wife or his child … sure he had to move out of the city but it looks like they got a charming little house in the country. And in the end the stalker was out of the way. Everyone around him suffered but he seemed like kind of a narcissist so I’d argue that he didn’t really suffer much. We can only hope he learned his lesson. If I were his wife I would have taken him to the cleaners.

Back to FMarta. I almost feel sorry for John Ross having tangoed with her, she seems like a Class A crazy beeyotch. He’s probably used to loving women and leaving them, but has never faced someone like her.

Nice cameo by the owner of the Dallas Cowboys and scenes shot in a luxury skybox at the stadium, where John Ross finds JR. JR tells John Ross that this was all part of a plan, and that the deed can still be his. JR says he’s going to leave Dallas for a while (where the hell could he be going?) and that in the meantime, he’s giving John Ross power of attorney over his affairs. And JR’s PI “Bum” is going to stick around to help him, or more likely, keep an eye on him. JR says this way he can see if John Ross will sink or swim, and this will really teach him about the oil business.

OK that could be true, but what is JR really up to?  When he says he’s leaving the area, could he be going to Venezuela? At any rate, he takes off in a helicopter from the helipad at Cowboys Stadium, which is kind of badass.

Rebecca calls Ann – bold move. Asks to meet to plead her case. Ann seems like a pushover so she’ll probably go. Maybe Tommy will kidnap her and hold her for ransom.

Cut to a scene of FMarta getting into one elevator, while Christopher gets off the other. They don’t see each other. Christopher is manipulating the doorman to let him into John Ross’s apartment. What was FMarta doing in there?

Christopher goes inside and starts snooping around. He finds what FMarta came there for, she left a DVD of the sex tape with a note to John Ross apologizing for cutting him out of the deal and telling him she wants him back. Of course if she’s a stalker worth her salt, she’ll have kept a copy of the sex tape …

Christopher pops the tape into John Ross’s DVD player and starts watching.

Now JR had said that Bobby and co could stay on SF as long as they like, and Bobby being the flipflopper that he is, starts unpacking the boxes and declares he will stay.

Now that he’s in charge, John Ross of course declares that he will move into SF. Does everyone in Texas live on that damn ranch?

So squishy Ann decides to meet with Rebecca. Rebecca intimates that she is scared of her brother – how about calling the cops?

John Ross goes to see Elena, he is contrite. She’s not ready to take him back yet.

Christopher gets drunk and goes to see Elena. She lets him sleep it off and then kicks him out – she says that as many issues as John Ross has, he has never made her feel bad about herself like the things Christopher said about her. Christopher considers giving her the copy of the sex tape and doesn’t.

Of all the people to get something done, Ann calls in a favor to her ex-husband, who owns the company that is contracted to transport the oil that JR/John Ross are drilling on SF. He tells her he’ll cancel the contract, for no good reason other than that he doesn’t like JR, and he wants “a hug” from Ann. His company is apparently the only one who can transport the oil, so the result will essentially be that the drilling will have to stop.

Elena exhibits a common sense rare for a show like Dallas, telling John Ross that she doesn’t want to be involved with the drilling on SF (even tho she helped find the oil in the first place) because that would mean getting into the middle of the war between JR and Bobby.

John Ross keeps going on and on about his “birthright.”

He also swears to Elena that he didn’t have anything to do with the theft of SF (lie!), and they have sex. I guess she’s ready to take him back.

Rebecca finds an interesting piece of paper in the boxes of Christopher’s work.

Christopher shows up at John Ross’s apartment and shows him the sex tape. Says it proves John Ross was part of the conspiracy, because he knew who FMarta really was (real name, Veronica). Christopher tells John Ross that if he doesn’t give him proof of JR’s involvement in the conspiracy, that he (John Ross) will go to jail.

John Ross furrows his brow and the episode ends.

What’s John Ross’s move? He can throw his father under the bus, which I wouldn’t put past him, or he could double down and make the old man proud … or my guess is he’ll land somewhere in between and try and figure out a way to get the old man out of the way without getting himself in trouble.

JR did say he wanted to teach him the oil business, which is apparently nothing but backstabbing and screwing your own family over.

PS - Here’s how Verizon Fios described this episode in the channel guide:
“Newlyweds fail to maintain their happy attitude; Ann gets a helping hand.”