Ep 7 – Rebecca confides in Elena; someone close to the family is murdered.

Episode opens with Christopher racing a pretty horse out to the thinkin’ tree where the Ewings carve the names of their beloveds. He caresses the carving of “Chris + Elena.”

John Ross is on the phone yelling at some lawyer to ‘un-do’ the trust that blocks him from the mineral rights on Southfork. Christopher strolls in and gives him back the DVD of John Ross having sex with FMarta, tho unclear why he wouldn’t hold on to it as collateral. I guess he’s that thick. … John Ross says “don’t you have some cows to go birth?” good question.

Christopher says something about the Ewing name (BIRTHRIGHT!!) and says “just because I’m fighting fair, doesn’t mean I won’t fight … for Southfork AND FOR ELENA. “

Cue John Ross’s nostrils flaring … and the awesome theme song which gets stuck in your head for days at a time. Well at least it does in mine.

Rebecca shows up at Elena’s door with a gift basket to thank her for ‘being cool’ about taking her to the doctor. She promptly yaks in Elena’s bathroom, and Elena immediately knows Rebecca is preggos.  She says “I’m sorry I threw up in your bathroom” and leaves. It’s this kind of writing that keeps us hooked!!

Incidentally, has anyone had Elena checked out for anorexia? She’s not going to eat any of the food in that basket, guarantee.

Incidentally, can just anyone in the world just drive onto SF and hang out whenever they please? You’d think there would be a guardhouse, and that they’d have instructions to not let Rebecca on the property. You’d also think that Christopher would have changed the locks on his loft so that Rebecca couldn’t be hanging around in it with her “brother” going through important family documents … that boy just is really thick I think. He may just be dumb enough to fall for Rebecca’s ploys to try and get him back.

I’m not convinced that she really does love Christopher – well, maybe she hearts him a little but I don’t think her motives are pure – and I’m not convinced that baby is his. Unfortunately, he’s probably too thick to demand a paternity test. (Maury tie-in? Note to producers.)

Cut to Ann sitting in a park somewhere fingering the locket her ex husband gave her and watching kids in a playground. Bobby calls her – why is he listed as “Bobby Ewing” in her phone – do you have your husband’s first and last name as his contact in your phone? Mine says Sweet B, not my hub’s real name. Suspicious.

Further suspicious, she lies to Bobby and says she’s at Nieman’s (taking the name in vain) and that she won’t be home in time to take a ride with him. What skeletons from her past are dancing in her closet? 

Unfortunately now that I’ve made the connection that she is the braless “if it don’t fit, you must acquit” character from Seinfeld, I can’t stop picturing her that way. I miss you, Jackie Chiles! But I digress …

John Ross tells a story about bourbon to Charlene Tilton over salad. She makes a reference to Sue Ellen’s alcoholism. He asks ‘his favorite cousin’ Lucy to ask Uncle Gary to help him with the mineral rights issue. JR and Gary need to sign off for him to be able to drill. She seems surprised that John Ross is a d-bag.

Offers her a ‘significant stake’ (or steak, perhaps) in Ewing oil for her participation. Wouldn’t she already have a stake? So many questions.

Elena is working on her pickup truck – she’s so self sufficient. Christopher shows up and tries and helps her with the engine.

“any sparks” he asks? Har har. 

He tries to apologize to Elena for what he said, she says he has to respect her relationship with John Ross. She acknowledges they were getting too close.  He says he cares about her, and he should have fought harder when he thought she ditched him on their wedding day. She urges him to call Rebecca.

Then she blurts out that Rebecca is pregnant. “She should have been the one to tell you,” says Elena. AH, YOU THINK?

Christopher storms off. So much storming in this show, love it.

Bobby is somewhere on the ranch playing with cattle (he’s so hands on) and police come to find him. They arrest him for the assault on Harris Ryland – oooh didn’t see that coming! Instead of fighting back, Ryland hits him legally. Well played. And he did it in front of witnesses, even.

Bobby is in jail, talking with his lawyer. Well-connected Ryland is offering a deal – Bobby apologizes and he will drop the charges. Don’t trust him! Bobby thinks Ryland wants to get his hooks back into Ann.

Bobby switches conversation to ‘where is JR?’

Lawyer says he’s got some dirt on JR”s PI, Bum. So his name is Bum, not Bump. Good to know.

Christopher goes to the loft. Accuses Rebecca of lying about the pregnancy.

She gives him attitude … ooh low blow she throws the abandonment card at him – says she thought he’d be more understanding, seeing how his birth parents treated him.

Interesting tactic?

Christopher tells Bobby and Ann that he’s going to have Rebecca do a paternity test. So he does have an ounce of sense! Bobby expresses surprise that Christopher might think Rebecca is lying (huh?) and Ann yells at Christopher saying Rebecca is trying to do right by him and he’s just being spiteful and cruel. (double huh? Must be a reference to her own past)

Ever since she got Ryland’s flowers, she’s been ‘edgy.’ I don’t think she told Bobby about the locket.

In return, Bobby hadn’t told her that he went to see Ryland and ‘slapped him around,’ and now Ryland is demanding an apology or will press charges.

John Ross and Elena are out to dinner. Twisted Root Burgers – I’ve been there!! Damn good burgers. John Ross is right about something.  Apparently was the site of their first date. He says she’s the one thing grounding him right now and he doesn’t know what he’d do without her.

And they are drinking Shiner Bock – very Texan.

Says they should go on a trip when all the drilling nonsense is past them. Just then he sees FMarta walk by …

Things get worse as the Venezolanos call him and demand a meeting in one hour.

“Word travels like oil in a pipeline,” says Vicente. “and the word is, there is no oil in your pipeline.” Reminds John Ross that he owns the lien on SF. John Ross offers information in exchange for more time; he throws FMarta under the bus and tells Vicente that she’s been skimming from him. Asks that FMarta be run out of town.

John Ross gets one more week …

And if they don’t get what they are promised, they will take SF. BIRTHRIGHT!!

John Ross catches Lucy coming out of Bobby’s office. She and Gary are on Bobby’s side. John Ross says he’s in trouble with the Venezuelans. Bobby is shall we say unsympathetic to his plight.

You almost feel sorry for John Ross.

Next scene, he goes crying to Momma. She suggests he use some of Elena’s oil to pay off the Venezuelans. Not a bad idea. John Ross says he doesn’t want to

JR calls Bum to see what’s going on. JR doesn’t seem worried about the mineral rights trusts holding up in court. Bum gives him the update on Cliff’s right hand man who turns out to be a child from Islamabad that he plucked from the streets and gave a home, job, education. In other words, a foundling!! Very Little Orphan Annie.

JR alludes to maybe making Islamabad some kind of offer.

Christopher and Rebecca are at the doctor’s office getting a paternity test. Touching scene. She apologizes for what she said about his birth parents. Wah wah.

Sue Ellen takes Elena to lunch, tries to convince her to give John Ross oil. Sue Ellen is very convincing. Plus, she is the sole investor in Elena’s company, and she not so subtly reminds her.

Two tables over, FMarta is watching Elena at the restaurant.

John Ross gets a call from Elena, but it’s really FMarta on the other end of the line!! She intimates that she has Elena (I don’t think she does, just her phone) and that he should come to some hotel.

John Ross goes storming over there. Walks into a dark hotel room (bad move). Finds a freaky mad looking FMarta hiding in the hotel room. She is (rightfully so) freaking out over the fact that Vicente knows she stole from him. She says if he cares about Elena’s safety, he will help save her from the Venezuelans.

Christopher goes to Elena’s door. Of course, she is there, not with FMarta. Elena apologizes for spilling the beans about the pregnancy. Christopher declares he still wants to be with her. She resists because he’s going to be a father. She says they have to make it work with their respective others.

“I guess timing is everything,” says Christopher. Ain’t that the truth.

Of course it couldn’t be that easy. Sure, we thought Rebecca was going to be out of the picture, clearing the way for Christopher and Elena to get back together … but NOOOO whammo stupid pregnancy gets in the way.

Bobby goes to Ryland and apologizes, Ryland drops charges. Bobby tells him to stay away from Anne. Ryland tires to give him a folder and says Anne is hiding something from him.

Vicente froze FMarta’s bank accounts. John Ross offers her money, she wants his help. For some reason FMarta had a camera set up, unclear what she was intending to film. He snatches Elena’s phone back from her, she scratches him, he leaves.

Cue 2 Venezuelan goons going toward FMarta’s room. Clearly they will kill her, and police will find John Ross’s DNA under her fingernails. Dun dun dun!

Ann is pleading with Christopher to take Rebecca back, saying she lied about something in her past but didn’t lie about her love .. uh talking about herself much? Clearly she’s hiding something, and it has something to do with a child. Bobby has the folder that Ryland gave him, but it’s not clear if he’s looked at it or not. Phone rings, doctor calling Christopher about the paternity results .. but of course they won’t give him the results over the phone.

Cut back to John Ross leaving the hotel, and running smack dab into FMarta’s very real dead body lying on the hood of a car … horror!! My guess is he will run rather than wait for the cops. He may think FMarta committed suicide, she did have a well documented history of mental instability, but the whole DNA under the fingernails is going to prove quite a bother …

Oh, yeah, he’s pulling a runner. Bad move. Especially when they were witnesses who saw him on FMarta’s floor .. and particularly when the hotel security footage will very easily pick him up fleeing in his black Corvette.

So Christopher goes to the doctor, with his mom and dad, which is a little weird, and finds out the baby is his. Er, make that, babies. They can tell at 9 weeks that someone is having twins? Double kick to the nuts, Christopher.

Cue creepy/supposed to be sweet scene of an ultrasound with Rebecca, Christopher … and his parents. Ann runs off crying. Awkward.

Cut to Ann fingering the locket again in front of a fireplace. Bobby tells her that Ryland gave him a folder about her past, but he doesn’t need to look in it. Says he’s there for her, and throws the folder in the fireplace. Sheeet, I would have read it lickety split. Cut to images of photos burning, of Ann holding a baby. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last of this.

John Ross meets up with Elena. She tells him she’ll help with the oil, says “we’re in this together, I’ve made my choice.” JUST at that second, police pull up looking for John Ross, saying he was seen fleeing the scene of a crime, namely that of the murder of FMarta. They take him in for questioning. Oddly enough he doesn’t protest his innocence and he and Elena just give each other a meaningful stare. Guess it’s good FMarta was taping the action in the hotel room, huh?

How do they pack so much into one hour? Less even when you factor in commercials. Damn.  

Dallas Episode 6 - Believe in the Warrior

How short is John Ross anyway? I have a feeling he’s like 5 feet tall.

Episode opens with him overseeing “his” land and thinking about how life is complicated. Has a nice fake stain on his sweatshirt.  Elena reiterates that he has nothing to worry about since he wasn’t part of the land fraud. Lies again!

Elena says to him, “I don’t believe in the war, but I believe in the warrior.” Oh how pissed she is going to be.

Bobby tells John Ross not to get too comfortable at Southfork. John Ross threatens to kick him out of the house. Bobby says he is “all hat and no cattle” – that he doesn’t care about the land.

John Ross’s crew man comes and tells him the Ryland tankers ain’t coming. John Ross immediately makes the connection between Bobby’s wife and Ryland.

Rebecca is still going through boxes. Her “brother” is getting antsy. They haven’t found anything in the boxes of value, or so Rebecca says. Weird sexual tension between them, doubt they are actually siblings. And if they are, ewwwwww.

She slips a folder into her briefcase and makes an excuse to leave.

As it turns out, Bobby didn’t know that Anne went to her ex-husband for help with the tankers. He is upset because they didn’t talk about it first. How about if he talked to her first about selling the ranch? How about if he told her immediately that he had cancer? Hypocrite. 

Turns out, Bobby had already arranged for a “sick out” on the part of the tanker drivers – sneakier than I would have given him credit for. He is afraid that Anne’s ex will want something in return for the favor.

John Ross is working the phones trying to find tanker trucks. JR’s investors are expecting the first shipment by Friday. I like how he refers to his own dad as “JR.”

Christopher walks right in to John Ross’s room – my friend A is right, there are no locks on SF and no one knocks! Christopher (10 mins into the episode I had already forgotten about him, yawnfest) confronts John Ross and wants to know where the evidence is against JR that he is demanding, in exchange for not exposing the sex tape. John Ross says he’s got nothing, and that JR screwed everyone over.

I like how they call each other “cousin” in a sneering way. John Ross accuses Christopher of not being angry about the land, but about Elena.

John Ross says exposing the DVD won’t help Christopher get SF back, Christopher doesn’t seem to care, it would be some kind of justice.  John Ross says screw it, go ahead and show people the DVD, he’s already got his cover lie worked up for Elena, and once he can get the oil off the ranch via nonexistent trailers, he won’t care what Christopher does. Christopher babbles something about being a real Ewing – sensitive much?

Rebecca shows up at SF – ballsy. Claims she has info that can help Christopher and Bobby save SF. What’s her end game? Does she really love Christopher?

So Rebecca has a copy of some document that alludes to a trust that separates the mineral rights (oil) from the land rights – in short, the sale of SF to the FDel Sol Conservancy and henceforth to JR would not have conveyed the oil rights. Of course they have to find the original document in order to make it stick. How many cows do you want to be that it was in the boxes of papers that room in the stables that JR was going through?

“If my read of Texas property law is correct …” wait, Rebecca is actually a lawyer?  Christopher still doesn’t trust her. She has her “pained, innocent” expression down pat. They throw her out anyway, but keep the paper. Christopher totally checks out her ass on her way out the door.

As Rebecca is leaving, she gets a nosebleed and is dizzy. I like the yellow and white awnings they have at SF.

Bobby and Christopher start going through some garage/storage area on the ranch going through Jock’s old stuff, looking for a key to a supposed safety deposit box that they presume might exist somewhere with a copy of the imaginary trust in it. Well, what else are they going to do with their time, I guess.

But I would think that Bobby and Anne would have found time to go through his father’s old things rather than just have them sitting in some storage shed. That’s their birthright in there! Ok so it’s a set of chairs, but still, those are Ewing chairs!!

Christopher takes the opportunity to tell Bobby the dirt he’s got on John Ross, the tape of him having “SEX” with FMarta. The way Christopher says the word SSEX makes me believe that he is a prude, in addition to a bad dresser.

Bobby doesn’t see the value of the DVD, since it implicates John Ross, but not JR, and JR’s name is the one on the deed.

Where did JR go in that helicopter anyway? The theory has been floated that he went to Switzerland for pioneering eyebrow surgery. Tho I don’t think you can really get to Switzerland from Dallas in a helicopter.

Bobby advises against blackmail – it’s not just wrong, it’s bad business.

Speak of the devil, there’s JR. he looks like he’s in Vegas, with 3 masseuses pampering him. Bum(p) calls him, lets him know that the tankers have been pulled and Christopher is blackmailing John Ross. JR says he threw him in the brier patch to learn and that he’ll be fine.

Ah, an end game – JR wants in on Cliff’s high-stakes poker game, hence the trip to Vegas. JR thinks Barnes’s end game is to bring casinos to Texas … which would explain his support of Sue Ellen in a run for governor. Whatever Cliff Barnes is up to, JR is intent on crushing him.

Somehow getting into the game will help JR in this endeavor.

Back to Bobby and Christopher in the dusty storage shed/garage. A basket, not unlike one you might use to set a foundling adrift in a river, is perched atop something covered with a sheet … Jock’s desk of course. Didn’t look staged at all.

Cool old roll-tip desk, the kind that is bound to have a hidden drawer/compartment. Oh no need, they find a key in an old bronzed baby shoe. Key says “Texas National Bank,” which by now should be a Bank of America.

Elena took Rebecca to the hospital, that was nice of her, especially since Rebecca is the one who broke her and Christopher up, or at least Rebecca’s brother did – but Elena doesn’t seem mad at her. Maybe Elena is just really dumb?

Rebecca says, well now you and Christopher can be happy together, and Elena says that ain’t gonna happen with scorn in her voice, no doubt remember the harsh words he said to her … good way for Rebecca to fish for intel, now she knows Elena isn’t looking to get back with Christopher, so that paves the way for her to work or worm her way back into his heart.

No word on her mysterious nosebleed and dizziness.

One of the Venezuelan gangsters, Vincente, shows up at SF and just strolls into John Ross’s room. No one knocks. He is vaguely threatening.  V knows about the tanker delays. John Ross says he needs a few more days.

V says there is a price to be paid when the sons don’t make good on the promises of the father.

How much plastic surgery do we think Sue Ellen has had? Full face lift? Resurfacing, Botox, fillers …

John Ross goes to SE for help with the tanker issue. Wants her to convince Ryland to get the trucks moving again, tells her to offer him a political favor. She hesitates, he pulls the bad mother card. He tells her they’re in debt to the Venezuelans, paying them with 14% of the oil proceeds, and that they can lose the ranch to them. He might want to be more concerned about losing his cojones to them, literally.

But that’s what happens when you dance with the devil, AKA JR.

Oh whiny John Ross because your mother won’t stoop to your level, you throw it in her face that she has never been there for you. Throwing a tantrum, John Ross goes back to his apartment and smashes a model of an oil well that has something to do with his childhood. THE BIRTHRIGHT!!

FMarta shows up, dressed in a sexy Leger style bandage dress. She’s come because now she and John Ross can be together, since he was only banging Elena for business … he tells her she’s crazy (duh) and that he wants nothing to do with her, probably because she screwed him over in their business deal, sold him out to his dad, drugged him and taped them having sex, the DVD of which is now in the hands of his cousin who can use it to prove he and FMarta knew each other all along … all in a day’s work for a stalker. She says she has money they can use to run away together, money she skimmed from Vincente (yeah that won’t come back to haunt her). John Ross says he wouldn’t go across the street with her, let along run away, and she should leave before he does something they would both regret. She looks shocked. Cue Psycho stabbing noises!

Creepy undertaker shows Bobby and Christpher to the safety deposit box.  Christopher and Bobby find a pistol, some family birth certificates and papers … and of course the mineral rights trust. Gosh that was easy.

The door to Elena’s apartment is open. Clearly FMarta got in. I hope Elena doesn’t have a bunny.

John Ross finds the surveillance photo of him and Elena embracing with a knife stuck in it. He storms out to go confront FMarta. Leaves 2 hired goons with shotguns to protect Elena’s apt.

He goes storming into FMarta’s apartment/hotel room. I guess he had a key. And no one locks doors. Or knocks. FMarta has cleared out.

Awesome, JR is in one of those high-roller Vegas suites that comes with its own butler. Sweet.

7-11 shows up at JR’s suite (bald guy who claims to be Cliff’s ‘driver’ who reminds me of the “never had it, never will” bald guy from the old 7-11 commercials.) JR says he wants in on the poker game; Baldy says the buy-in is $1 million.

JR calls Bum(p) and says to dig up dirt on Baldy, and to tell Carlos Del Sol that he needs $1m. that’s the real Carlos Del Sol, but why would he give JR money? Maybe JR has another deal going with him on the side.

Bum(p) lies to John Ross and says he hasn’t spoken to JR and doesn’t know how to reach him. John Ross tells him of the FMarta trouble. Says her real name is Veronica Martinez, he thinks. Bum(p) says he’ll go pay her a visit. John Ross says, you’ll have to find her first.

“that ain’t no step for a stepper” is Bum(p)’s reply.

Anne receives flowers, assumes they are from Bobby for the spat they had. Of course they are from her ex husband. He remembered she likes freesias. He also sent her a locket/pendant which makes Anne start sobbing uncontrollably. She runs off. What the hell is so significant about the locket?

Bobby goes storming in to the ex’s office (no knocking) and slaps him, in the middle of a business meeting. Ex does nothing.

Rebecca goes back to SF to pick up her car, runs into Christopher. He tells her they found the original deed – why bother telling her? He zooms of (sort of) in his Tesla.

Sue Ellen goes to see the Ryland guy. She says if he releases his tanker she’ll give him some position as railroad commissioner if she gets elected. He says he can’t accept but will release the tankers anyway, and writes her a check for a big campaign donation. What’s his end game?

Trucks start rolling back in to SF. Now John Ross is happy again with his momma because he got his way. Smarmy bastard. Way to go SE rolling over and compromising yourself so quickly for your jerky son. And you’re not even in office yet!

No dialogue, shot of Anne putting the locket on with a weird look on her face. Could she be obsessed with her ex? He alluded to the fact that she went a little off the deep end over their divorce.

Cut to shot of John Ross gluing his precious little oil well model back together. Surely there is a ranchhand or PI that does that sort of thing for him? Christopher and Bobby smugly come into his room (no knocking) and show him the mineral rights deed. Christopher basically says “my daddy is better than your daddy” and we own the rights to the oil. Christopher says “you’re beat, COUSIN, fair and square.”

Tommy finally realizes that Rebecca found the document and gave it to Christopher. Rebecca says they are done and gives him her expensive wedding and engagement rings, tells him to sell them and get out of town, he won’t make any money of the Ewings, she is in love with Christopher and (I bet you she’s pregnant) and yes she reveals that SHE’S PREGNANT.

In addition to not knocking, I guess no one uses birth control either.

Once again, the cable guide description of the episode is disappointingly free of

hyperbole.

John Ross takes on more responsibility; Rebecca learns valuable information.