Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dallas Episode 6 - Believe in the Warrior

How short is John Ross anyway? I have a feeling he’s like 5 feet tall.

Episode opens with him overseeing “his” land and thinking about how life is complicated. Has a nice fake stain on his sweatshirt.  Elena reiterates that he has nothing to worry about since he wasn’t part of the land fraud. Lies again!

Elena says to him, “I don’t believe in the war, but I believe in the warrior.” Oh how pissed she is going to be.

Bobby tells John Ross not to get too comfortable at Southfork. John Ross threatens to kick him out of the house. Bobby says he is “all hat and no cattle” – that he doesn’t care about the land.

John Ross’s crew man comes and tells him the Ryland tankers ain’t coming. John Ross immediately makes the connection between Bobby’s wife and Ryland.

Rebecca is still going through boxes. Her “brother” is getting antsy. They haven’t found anything in the boxes of value, or so Rebecca says. Weird sexual tension between them, doubt they are actually siblings. And if they are, ewwwwww.
She slips a folder into her briefcase and makes an excuse to leave.

As it turns out, Bobby didn’t know that Anne went to her ex-husband for help with the tankers. He is upset because they didn’t talk about it first. How about if he talked to her first about selling the ranch? How about if he told her immediately that he had cancer? Hypocrite. 

Turns out, Bobby had already arranged for a “sick out” on the part of the tanker drivers – sneakier than I would have given him credit for. He is afraid that Anne’s ex will want something in return for the favor.

John Ross is working the phones trying to find tanker trucks. JR’s investors are expecting the first shipment by Friday. I like how he refers to his own dad as “JR.”

Christopher walks right in to John Ross’s room – my friend A is right, there are no locks on SF and no one knocks! Christopher (10 mins into the episode I had already forgotten about him, yawnfest) confronts John Ross and wants to know where the evidence is against JR that he is demanding, in exchange for not exposing the sex tape. John Ross says he’s got nothing, and that JR screwed everyone over.

I like how they call each other “cousin” in a sneering way. John Ross accuses Christopher of not being angry about the land, but about Elena.

John Ross says exposing the DVD won’t help Christopher get SF back, Christopher doesn’t seem to care, it would be some kind of justice.  John Ross says screw it, go ahead and show people the DVD, he’s already got his cover lie worked up for Elena, and once he can get the oil off the ranch via nonexistent trailers, he won’t care what Christopher does. Christopher babbles something about being a real Ewing – sensitive much?

Rebecca shows up at SF – ballsy. Claims she has info that can help Christopher and Bobby save SF. What’s her end game? Does she really love Christopher?

So Rebecca has a copy of some document that alludes to a trust that separates the mineral rights (oil) from the land rights – in short, the sale of SF to the FDel Sol Conservancy and henceforth to JR would not have conveyed the oil rights. Of course they have to find the original document in order to make it stick. How many cows do you want to be that it was in the boxes of papers that room in the stables that JR was going through?

“If my read of Texas property law is correct …” wait, Rebecca is actually a lawyer?  Christopher still doesn’t trust her. She has her “pained, innocent” expression down pat. They throw her out anyway, but keep the paper. Christopher totally checks out her ass on her way out the door.

As Rebecca is leaving, she gets a nosebleed and is dizzy. I like the yellow and white awnings they have at SF.

Bobby and Christopher start going through some garage/storage area on the ranch going through Jock’s old stuff, looking for a key to a supposed safety deposit box that they presume might exist somewhere with a copy of the imaginary trust in it. Well, what else are they going to do with their time, I guess.

But I would think that Bobby and Anne would have found time to go through his father’s old things rather than just have them sitting in some storage shed. That’s their birthright in there! Ok so it’s a set of chairs, but still, those are Ewing chairs!!

Christopher takes the opportunity to tell Bobby the dirt he’s got on John Ross, the tape of him having “SEX” with FMarta. The way Christopher says the word SSEX makes me believe that he is a prude, in addition to a bad dresser.

Bobby doesn’t see the value of the DVD, since it implicates John Ross, but not JR, and JR’s name is the one on the deed.

Where did JR go in that helicopter anyway? The theory has been floated that he went to Switzerland for pioneering eyebrow surgery. Tho I don’t think you can really get to Switzerland from Dallas in a helicopter.

Bobby advises against blackmail – it’s not just wrong, it’s bad business.

Speak of the devil, there’s JR. he looks like he’s in Vegas, with 3 masseuses pampering him. Bum(p) calls him, lets him know that the tankers have been pulled and Christopher is blackmailing John Ross. JR says he threw him in the brier patch to learn and that he’ll be fine.

Ah, an end game – JR wants in on Cliff’s high-stakes poker game, hence the trip to Vegas. JR thinks Barnes’s end game is to bring casinos to Texas … which would explain his support of Sue Ellen in a run for governor. Whatever Cliff Barnes is up to, JR is intent on crushing him.

Somehow getting into the game will help JR in this endeavor.

Back to Bobby and Christopher in the dusty storage shed/garage. A basket, not unlike one you might use to set a foundling adrift in a river, is perched atop something covered with a sheet … Jock’s desk of course. Didn’t look staged at all.

Cool old roll-tip desk, the kind that is bound to have a hidden drawer/compartment. Oh no need, they find a key in an old bronzed baby shoe. Key says “Texas National Bank,” which by now should be a Bank of America.

Elena took Rebecca to the hospital, that was nice of her, especially since Rebecca is the one who broke her and Christopher up, or at least Rebecca’s brother did – but Elena doesn’t seem mad at her. Maybe Elena is just really dumb?

Rebecca says, well now you and Christopher can be happy together, and Elena says that ain’t gonna happen with scorn in her voice, no doubt remember the harsh words he said to her … good way for Rebecca to fish for intel, now she knows Elena isn’t looking to get back with Christopher, so that paves the way for her to work or worm her way back into his heart.

No word on her mysterious nosebleed and dizziness.

One of the Venezuelan gangsters, Vincente, shows up at SF and just strolls into John Ross’s room. No one knocks. He is vaguely threatening.  V knows about the tanker delays. John Ross says he needs a few more days.

V says there is a price to be paid when the sons don’t make good on the promises of the father.

How much plastic surgery do we think Sue Ellen has had? Full face lift? Resurfacing, Botox, fillers …

John Ross goes to SE for help with the tanker issue. Wants her to convince Ryland to get the trucks moving again, tells her to offer him a political favor. She hesitates, he pulls the bad mother card. He tells her they’re in debt to the Venezuelans, paying them with 14% of the oil proceeds, and that they can lose the ranch to them. He might want to be more concerned about losing his cojones to them, literally.

But that’s what happens when you dance with the devil, AKA JR.

Oh whiny John Ross because your mother won’t stoop to your level, you throw it in her face that she has never been there for you. Throwing a tantrum, John Ross goes back to his apartment and smashes a model of an oil well that has something to do with his childhood. THE BIRTHRIGHT!!

FMarta shows up, dressed in a sexy Leger style bandage dress. She’s come because now she and John Ross can be together, since he was only banging Elena for business … he tells her she’s crazy (duh) and that he wants nothing to do with her, probably because she screwed him over in their business deal, sold him out to his dad, drugged him and taped them having sex, the DVD of which is now in the hands of his cousin who can use it to prove he and FMarta knew each other all along … all in a day’s work for a stalker. She says she has money they can use to run away together, money she skimmed from Vincente (yeah that won’t come back to haunt her). John Ross says he wouldn’t go across the street with her, let along run away, and she should leave before he does something they would both regret. She looks shocked. Cue Psycho stabbing noises!

Creepy undertaker shows Bobby and Christpher to the safety deposit box.  Christopher and Bobby find a pistol, some family birth certificates and papers … and of course the mineral rights trust. Gosh that was easy.

The door to Elena’s apartment is open. Clearly FMarta got in. I hope Elena doesn’t have a bunny.
John Ross finds the surveillance photo of him and Elena embracing with a knife stuck in it. He storms out to go confront FMarta. Leaves 2 hired goons with shotguns to protect Elena’s apt.

He goes storming into FMarta’s apartment/hotel room. I guess he had a key. And no one locks doors. Or knocks. FMarta has cleared out.

Awesome, JR is in one of those high-roller Vegas suites that comes with its own butler. Sweet.

7-11 shows up at JR’s suite (bald guy who claims to be Cliff’s ‘driver’ who reminds me of the “never had it, never will” bald guy from the old 7-11 commercials.) JR says he wants in on the poker game; Baldy says the buy-in is $1 million.

JR calls Bum(p) and says to dig up dirt on Baldy, and to tell Carlos Del Sol that he needs $1m. that’s the real Carlos Del Sol, but why would he give JR money? Maybe JR has another deal going with him on the side.

Bum(p) lies to John Ross and says he hasn’t spoken to JR and doesn’t know how to reach him. John Ross tells him of the FMarta trouble. Says her real name is Veronica Martinez, he thinks. Bum(p) says he’ll go pay her a visit. John Ross says, you’ll have to find her first.

“that ain’t no step for a stepper” is Bum(p)’s reply.

Anne receives flowers, assumes they are from Bobby for the spat they had. Of course they are from her ex husband. He remembered she likes freesias. He also sent her a locket/pendant which makes Anne start sobbing uncontrollably. She runs off. What the hell is so significant about the locket?

Bobby goes storming in to the ex’s office (no knocking) and slaps him, in the middle of a business meeting. Ex does nothing.

Rebecca goes back to SF to pick up her car, runs into Christopher. He tells her they found the original deed – why bother telling her? He zooms of (sort of) in his Tesla.

Sue Ellen goes to see the Ryland guy. She says if he releases his tanker she’ll give him some position as railroad commissioner if she gets elected. He says he can’t accept but will release the tankers anyway, and writes her a check for a big campaign donation. What’s his end game?

Trucks start rolling back in to SF. Now John Ross is happy again with his momma because he got his way. Smarmy bastard. Way to go SE rolling over and compromising yourself so quickly for your jerky son. And you’re not even in office yet!

No dialogue, shot of Anne putting the locket on with a weird look on her face. Could she be obsessed with her ex? He alluded to the fact that she went a little off the deep end over their divorce.

Cut to shot of John Ross gluing his precious little oil well model back together. Surely there is a ranchhand or PI that does that sort of thing for him? Christopher and Bobby smugly come into his room (no knocking) and show him the mineral rights deed. Christopher basically says “my daddy is better than your daddy” and we own the rights to the oil. Christopher says “you’re beat, COUSIN, fair and square.”

Tommy finally realizes that Rebecca found the document and gave it to Christopher. Rebecca says they are done and gives him her expensive wedding and engagement rings, tells him to sell them and get out of town, he won’t make any money of the Ewings, she is in love with Christopher and (I bet you she’s pregnant) and yes she reveals that SHE’S PREGNANT.

In addition to not knocking, I guess no one uses birth control either.

Once again, the cable guide description of the episode is disappointingly free of
John Ross takes on more responsibility; Rebecca learns valuable information.


  1. Excellent recap. I was on to the pregnancy from the get-go. Jeff was like, "is a nosebleed a sign of pregnancy?" I said, "Anything can be a sign of pregnancy on tee vee."

    During last night's episode, I reiterated my complaints about the lack of privacy at SF and apparently, in that condo place John Ross lives in. Thanks for your acknowledgement.

    Jeff and I have decided that Christopher (would we like him more if he just went by Chris? Maybe.) and John Ross are 5'2", tops. Every time either of them talks to Bobby (who is 6'2"), he's towering over them.

    I like how John Ross still calls Fmarta "Marta," even though everyone knows that's not her name.

    Also, he made the possibly fatal mistake of calling her crazy, TO HER FACE. You never call a crazy woman crazy to her face! That just makes her crazier!

    I also objected to his "search" of Elena's place. Does he know nothing about a thorough search? It's like he's never watched tee vee before. Don't they have Law and Order in Texas? Then, Jeff and I agreed that he's so busy worrying about his birthright that he probably doesn't have time to watch police procedurals.

    I'm not sure why Ryland let another man bitch-slap him in front of his colleagues, but I don't think this is going to end well for Anne and her creepy secret locket. My guess: the locket contains a picture of her kid who died.

    Safe deposit boxes: I have one, and the name of the bank (Bank of America, ha!) is not stamped on the key. I told Jeff, so when the kids find my key in a dusty roll-top desk, they should know they're going to have to look a little harder for the deed to the mineral rights to my Texas ranch. Jeff also wondered why the deed wouldn't be filed with the state, since it is a legal document and whatnot. I told him that it's the same logic that has people giving each other briefcases full of cash instead of simply transferring the money via com-PUT-ter. The moral here is, don't look to closely at the logic - just go with it.

    Seems like John Ross should have enough money to just buy another one of those oil well models...

  2. Also, after last night, I've decided that Elena is an idiot, and, frankly, a little easy. She kisses Christopher, then gets mad at him, so she's back with John Ross. And when she finds out what a big fat liar John Ross is (she should believe in neither the warrior nor the war), she'll no doubt be back in Christopher's arms. Except now, he's got a pregnant wife! Allegedly pregnant, that is...

  3. They still haven't explained what's up with the nosebleed! I've never heard of that as a symptom of pregnancy!