Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Dallas, episode 5 – newlyweds fail to maintain their happy attitude

 Last time we saw the Ewings, JR had Lawyer Lobell and FMarta in his back pocket. John Ross had leverage on Rebecca and she was about to spill the beans – some beans at least – to Christopher …  

Rebecca confesses right off the bat at the start of the episode to Christopher that Tommy engineered the whole infamous email to Elena and their getting together. Claims that she didn’t know Tommy sent the email until John Ross started blackmailing her. Christopher storms off.

Does Rebecca really love Christopher now? Is she a grifter with a conscience? Is Tommy really pulling all the strings?

Can’t Elena help her mother get some more stylish clothes? 

Christopher goes running in to the Southfork going away BBQ and lands a great running punch on Tommy. In front of the entire assembly of guests it is revealed that Rebecca’s relationship with Christopher has been a sham and that she and Tommy are conning the Ewings for their moolah. Christopher has Tommy thrown off the ranch. (how about calling the cops?)

Christopher throws Rebecca out (with her nice hard-sided luggage) and goes roaring off, well sort of, in his Tesla.

Elena apologizes to John Ross for not believing that he didn’t send the infamous email. She’s ticked that Christopher wanted to pay her off and saying she had not integrity (in the last episode), so in her words, “Christopher and I are done.” She and John Ross embrace.

Next morning (so how did the BBQ go, kids?) Anne and Bobby are nonchalantly having coffee – Anne seems to feel sorry for Rebecca … Bobby has no sympathy and says he wants to see if there is anything they can do legally about Tommy and Rebecca.

A courier drops off the deed to Southfork and Bobby sees that it’s in JR’s name – he goes storming in to JR’s room.  JR claims that Marta (FMarta) was going to sell the ranch to Cliff Barnes and so in order to avoid that he got a group of investors together and bought it. I thought they had to wait 30 days to get it back from the Venezuelans? I’m confused.

“Ewing oil is back in business!” declares J.R.

“I’m going to take you down, brother.” Says Bobby.

Ann finally realizes JR is a dickhead. Way to go Ann!

Christopher and Bobby go storming off in Bobby’s Mercedes (I really feel like Bobby would drive American) to Lobell’s office only to find out he’s cleared out.

JR of course intends to drill, baby, drill on Southfork. Something about his daddy’s legacy, and Bobby trying to honor his momma’s legacy.

So far 2 actors from the show 24 have appeared in Dallas, wonder if there’s a connection. Another guy was on the X Files.

Christopher/Bobby go see some other muckety muck or lawyer. Is revealed the Del Sol involvement was a lie, and that Marta is FMarta. They suspect FMarta and Lobell have fled the country. Though it was all a fraud, the sale was legal, and therefore the subsequent sale to JR was also valid….

UNLESS they can prove that JR knew about the conspiracy with the first sale …

Rebecca tries to call Christopher, he ignores the call. Duh.

Christopher I guess was too busy to change the locks because Rebecca and Tommy are still in his loft, with boxes of information on Christopher’s patent and business files, which they hope to ‘monetize.’

Elena goes over to yell at John Ross. He of course is shocked as well that the deed is in JR’s name, since he’s been double-crossed as well. Tries to reach his dad.  Elena doesn’t believe he wasn’t involved – which he sort of wasn’t – but yet, he was.

Christopher wants to ‘fight fire with fire.’ Boy Scout Bobby wants to take the high road. He reminds Christopher that he’s fought JR in the past, and won.

John Ross goes to FMarta’s apartment or I guess her hotel room. Why hasn’t she fled the country? Oh wait, she’s crazy. He yells at her for betraying him – she retaliates with a photo of him embracing Elena.  FMarta says “I warned you not to toy with me.” He tells her to stay the hell away from him.

If John Ross tries to screw JR now, the whole deal can fall through and he could lose any chance of getting a claim on SF. Although out of spite he could side with Bobby and try to screw his Dad, although then he’d have to admit his complicity … it’s complicated.

And what about the Venezuelans? I feel like they’re not totally out of the picture. And FMarta hasn’t revealed the John Ross sex tape yet or gone totally psycho on him.

And cue after the commercial, FMarta watching the sex tape! And just sitting there looking like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction when she’s sitting in her cool loft just turning a lamp on and off again and staring into space.

You know, I’m still not sure Michael Douglas really got what was coming to him in that movie? He didn’t lose his job, he didn’t lose his wife or his child … sure he had to move out of the city but it looks like they got a charming little house in the country. And in the end the stalker was out of the way. Everyone around him suffered but he seemed like kind of a narcissist so I’d argue that he didn’t really suffer much. We can only hope he learned his lesson. If I were his wife I would have taken him to the cleaners.

Back to FMarta. I almost feel sorry for John Ross having tangoed with her, she seems like a Class A crazy beeyotch. He’s probably used to loving women and leaving them, but has never faced someone like her.

Nice cameo by the owner of the Dallas Cowboys and scenes shot in a luxury skybox at the stadium, where John Ross finds JR. JR tells John Ross that this was all part of a plan, and that the deed can still be his. JR says he’s going to leave Dallas for a while (where the hell could he be going?) and that in the meantime, he’s giving John Ross power of attorney over his affairs. And JR’s PI “Bum” is going to stick around to help him, or more likely, keep an eye on him. JR says this way he can see if John Ross will sink or swim, and this will really teach him about the oil business.

OK that could be true, but what is JR really up to?  When he says he’s leaving the area, could he be going to Venezuela? At any rate, he takes off in a helicopter from the helipad at Cowboys Stadium, which is kind of badass.

Rebecca calls Ann – bold move. Asks to meet to plead her case. Ann seems like a pushover so she’ll probably go. Maybe Tommy will kidnap her and hold her for ransom.

Cut to a scene of FMarta getting into one elevator, while Christopher gets off the other. They don’t see each other. Christopher is manipulating the doorman to let him into John Ross’s apartment. What was FMarta doing in there?

Christopher goes inside and starts snooping around. He finds what FMarta came there for, she left a DVD of the sex tape with a note to John Ross apologizing for cutting him out of the deal and telling him she wants him back. Of course if she’s a stalker worth her salt, she’ll have kept a copy of the sex tape …

Christopher pops the tape into John Ross’s DVD player and starts watching.

Now JR had said that Bobby and co could stay on SF as long as they like, and Bobby being the flipflopper that he is, starts unpacking the boxes and declares he will stay.

Now that he’s in charge, John Ross of course declares that he will move into SF. Does everyone in Texas live on that damn ranch?

So squishy Ann decides to meet with Rebecca. Rebecca intimates that she is scared of her brother – how about calling the cops?

John Ross goes to see Elena, he is contrite. She’s not ready to take him back yet.

Christopher gets drunk and goes to see Elena. She lets him sleep it off and then kicks him out – she says that as many issues as John Ross has, he has never made her feel bad about herself like the things Christopher said about her. Christopher considers giving her the copy of the sex tape and doesn’t.

Of all the people to get something done, Ann calls in a favor to her ex-husband, who owns the company that is contracted to transport the oil that JR/John Ross are drilling on SF. He tells her he’ll cancel the contract, for no good reason other than that he doesn’t like JR, and he wants “a hug” from Ann. His company is apparently the only one who can transport the oil, so the result will essentially be that the drilling will have to stop.

Elena exhibits a common sense rare for a show like Dallas, telling John Ross that she doesn’t want to be involved with the drilling on SF (even tho she helped find the oil in the first place) because that would mean getting into the middle of the war between JR and Bobby.

John Ross keeps going on and on about his “birthright.”

He also swears to Elena that he didn’t have anything to do with the theft of SF (lie!), and they have sex. I guess she’s ready to take him back.

Rebecca finds an interesting piece of paper in the boxes of Christopher’s work.

Christopher shows up at John Ross’s apartment and shows him the sex tape. Says it proves John Ross was part of the conspiracy, because he knew who FMarta really was (real name, Veronica). Christopher tells John Ross that if he doesn’t give him proof of JR’s involvement in the conspiracy, that he (John Ross) will go to jail.

John Ross furrows his brow and the episode ends.

What’s John Ross’s move? He can throw his father under the bus, which I wouldn’t put past him, or he could double down and make the old man proud … or my guess is he’ll land somewhere in between and try and figure out a way to get the old man out of the way without getting himself in trouble.

JR did say he wanted to teach him the oil business, which is apparently nothing but backstabbing and screwing your own family over.

PS - Here’s how Verizon Fios described this episode in the channel guide:
“Newlyweds fail to maintain their happy attitude; Ann gets a helping hand.”



  1. Thoughts:

    JR: Where the hell did he go in a helicopter? Why not take a jet - private or first-class commercial, it doesn't matter. Perhaps even a road trip in a Town Car. Whatever, just take a mode of transportation that makes a little sense. Who travels by copter? Larry Hagman is 117 years old, and those eyebrows probably get heavy, so I understand he needed a break. But how random to just leave. Is that the best we can do, writers?

    Christopher is Bobby's son (though a "foundling"), and thus, one assumes he's hopeless at crafting evil plans, so I have little faith that this John Ross blackmail thing is going to work.

    FMarta is not going to be happy when she sees John Ross with Elena again, assumes he watched the DVD but still didn't come back to her, and then maims John Ross AND Elena in some horrible way.

    When John Ross lied to Elena, looking right into her eyes: Oh no. Jeff and I were appalled. Appalled! Has this man no shame? Not even a little? The answer: No. No he doesn't.

    Still not convinced that's Rebecca's real brother. I think this Fbrother has something on her that has yet to come out.

    I love the obsession with "birthrights" and oil. These people are richer than god - just go and enjoy the money. Live on an island somewhere. Stop obsessing over who gets to live at South Fork, a place where there are no locks and no privacy.

    I said to Jeff: "I would never do anything at SF - someone's always trying to catch you out and then blackmail you with the evidence. In fact, I would get my own house with a top-level security system and my enemies could never penetrate it."

    Jeff: "Well, of course you wouldn't live at SF. No black person would. Only crazy white people do this kind of thing."

    We both just shook our heads in agreement.

    Two days until Dallas!

  2. Excellent comments, all, ARF.
    I didn't think beyond the helicopter being a badass way to make an exit, but now that you mention it, rather impractical. My guess is he's going to Venezuela.
    Foundlings, birthrights, it's like Charles Dickens on Viagra. Christopher won't turn a corner on this whole blackmail thing until he stops wearing stupid white sneakers.
    FMarta - I told you that bitch was crazy. I like Elena so far but I'm just waiting for her to turn - maybe she'll cut a bitch (FMarta). I look forward to how she'll punish John Ross when she finds out he lied.
    yeah there's a weird sexual tension between Rebecca and her "brother".
    I agree, SF would be a sucky place to live. First, there is a big dumb SF plastered everywhere. second, everyone lives there. and now that you mention it, no black people. and the Hispanic people are all the help. Hmmmphh.
    2 days!

  3. I think JR is going to have extensions put in his eyebrows at a top-secret Swiss clinic.

    Meanwhile, how did the sex DVD survive Christopher's drunken sleep on the couch? It was loose in his BACK pocket! You're going to tell me he didn't flop down on it in his drunken stupor?


    1. I'm glad you're watching it, Marce!

      Ooh good call on the eyebrow extensions. Plastic surgery at a Swiss clinic would be a great plot point.

      Hadn't thought about the DVD surviving the drunken couch stupor - must be one of those magical television properties of physics things.