Thursday, January 31, 2013

Venomous Creatures - Dallas Premiere Episode 2

Lame-o Christopher is refinishing a crib, Elena shows up. Sure it's not at all weird for Christopher to be prepping a cradle for the babies that he fathered with another woman.

John Ross ruefully watches them. JR comments, "love, hate, jealousy - mix 'em up, they make a mean martini." The Martini and John Rossi?

Thank goodness Dr. Feelgood is on call to sedate hysterical wives like Ann when she needs her "shot."

Why do we care about the Emma Ryland kidnapping case? I'm sure there's more going on here that will be revealed later, but what's driving the timing ...

Sue Ellen lost the election, bummer. So she turns to her old pal, Chardonnay. A good long pour. But before she can imbibe it, John Ross and JR show up. I love seeing JR, John Ross and Sue Ellen together. JR admits that leaving him was the best decision Sue Ellen ever made. JR offers to "work" the state attorney on her behalf. Sue Ellen demurs. Again, nice Windows phone placement.

In another shocking instance of thinking of someone other than himself, JR tells Sue Ellen that Ann could really use a friend right now. Sue Ellen pours all the wine down the drain.

Pamela/FRebecca hijacks Frank's board meeting to announce the company is going away from the casino business and toward clean energy. Frank is clearly pissed off, which makes him a potential ally for the Ewings.

Cue the annulment hearing and a sassy lady judge. With the Real Rebecca's fake testimony, Christopher's hopes are dashed, and the judge rules against annulment. For all his lameness, Christopher has managed to make himself some serious enemies.

At the golf course, JR stares down the state attorney on behalf of Sue Ellen. Not clear yet what dirt he has on him.

Bobby has to defend his woman's womanhood too, so he confronts Ryland Harris Ryland. It's still unclear what the whole Emma story is.

Elena and Christopher are kissing or something. Who knew methane was so sexy and romantic?

Frank tells FRebecca that he knows she has been in touch with John Ross. He warns her not to disrespect him. JR shows up at Barnes Global HQ and lets FRebecca know that she's going into battle against him, and he's one for one in flushing out Pamelas. ha!

Bobby goes in search of this mysterious Emma, he uncovers some sort of London connection. He's got a lead. Maybe her father stole her lo those many years ago and hid her?

Real Rebecca is still insisting on finding her bro, who she doesn't know is dead. This of course will be leverage to be worked against FRebecca later.

God damm if JR wasn't able to dig up dirt on the state's attorney after all, go JR! "The first time in his life that JR was the lesser of two evils." 'Sometimes bad men drive us to be stronger ...'

John Ross has a teensy bit of a chip on his shoulder, of feeling like the outsider. But when Elena wants a bigger share of the company even John Ross offers to pony up - what's his game?

Each now has 25% - does that mean more for Elena to lose? My husband wisely explains to me that it's probably so that Christopher has less, so when his share gets carved up in the divorce settlement, it will be that much easier to get a majority share.

At any rate, Christopher asks his secretary to spy on other secretaries and other executives, because that's not awkward.

John Ross reveals more of the end game - Elena is in debt to his mother. Were Sue Ellen to claim Elena's share of the company and give control to John Ross then he could be in a dominant position.

Will John Ross also screw his daddy over? Almost certainly.

A mysterious package from the (dead) Tommy arrives for Christopher that includes a cell phone and a scrawled note.

Bobby continues to investigate Emma "Brown." He finds out she's been riding a horse for the past eight years that is owned by ... Harris Ryland. Bobby doesn't tell Ann yet that he's found anything out.

Christopher goes to Real Rebecca's hotel and tells her he needs to talk to her about her brother. They suspect that FRebecca has hurt Tommy in some way. Christopher now also has evidence (voice mails) that Real Rebecca was in on the con the whole time.

JR goes to see Sue Ellen, she thanks him for his help with strong arming the state's attorney. He's confident she'll bounce back "real fine." She invites him in for tea. (euphemism?)

John Ross goes to FRebecca's penthouse. He negotiates a kiss and a 70% share deal. As he's leaving, the elevator reverses and carries him back up to the penthouse and into FRebecca's pants. There's nothing sexier than seducing a man with your personal elevator.

Cut to a scene with Frank, in which it's revealed the mysterious package wasn't from Tommy after all, but from him. Go Frank.

And WHOOOOAA Judith Light!!  Could Dallas get any better? (Victoria Principal) But wait, Judith is supposed to be Harris's mom? She's not THAT old. At her house, Bobby sees photographic evidence that Harris had Emma all along ... he and crazy momma kidnapped her themselves and raised her in secret ...presumably with Tony Danza's help. Along the way, they also groomed her to hate Ann.

Can these people really be so rotten? Welcome back, Dallas.

PS are we supposed to believe that FRebecca is actually pregnant? There's not even room for a grape in those pencil skirts.
PPS I miss JR already.

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